When You Feel Purposeless and Fear You’re Wasting Time
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~George Bernard Shaw
I wanted a guarantee.
I wanted to know for sure that if I tried to do something, I if I devoted my limited time to it, I’d end up somewhere good.
I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I felt certain this was a phenomenal failing—because if you don’t know right now what you need to do to make your life count, life will pass you by before you’ve ever had a chance to do something meaningful or valuable. At least, that’s what I thought back then.
So I sat around thinking, analyzing, trying to identify something big enough or , terrified that maybe I’d spend the rest of my days feeling purposeless, useless, doing the same thing in my professional life as I’d always done in my personal life: feeling like I was on the outside looking in.
When you’re sitting amid a vast expanse of possibilities, in the pressure cooker of expectations and impatience, it can feel almost paralyzing.
What step do you take when you have a hunch but no solid sense of direction? If it’s only a hunch, then .
And what if you go in the wrong direction? Then you will have wasted time, and time is finite. And everyone else is so far ahead. Everyone else seems happy and successful. Everyone else is climbing the ladder, earning more money, making a difference, mattering.
What if you never matter? What if you never do anything important? And worst of all, what if you never have more than a hunch about what’s important to you?
What if you never feel a spark, a purpose, that elusive “why” that so many people write about?
What if you never care about anything so strongly that it becomes the bliss you have to follow?
Sitting in the Times Square Internet café over a decade ago, searching Craigslist for jobs and gigs, I felt a sense of panic and urgency. I needed to figure it out, and fast.
I was blinded by the fear of never finding what I was looking for, and that made the looking awfully ineffective.
I thought there was something wrong with me for being so uncertain, so resistant, so unable to identify and commit to any path.
In retrospect, I see , or where I was in life. And there was nothing wrong with living in the maybe, looking for new possibilities.
I wasn’t ineffective because I didn’t yet feel a strong internal pull. I was ineffective because I consistently marinated my brain in anxious, self-judging thoughts.
My biggest obstacle wasn’t that I it was that I felt I shouldn’t be. I felt I should have known, right then, not only what I wanted to do but also how I was going to do it.
Because without knowing those two things, I felt adrift and incredibly out of control. How can you let yourself ease into the moment if you can’t be sure it’s leading to a better one?
If I were to walk into that Internet café and approach my younger self, she would probably ignore me, immersed as she was in her frantic searching.
But if I somehow had the power to command her attention, I’d tell her a few things that maybe, just maybe, could relieve her constant worrying and provide both of peace of mind and focus.
You’ll never be effective if you’re convinced tomorrow needs to be better than today, because this belief stems from resistance to the present—and the present is where your power lies.
If you’re looking for purpose from a place of inadequacy, you will likely be too overwhelmed by the need to do something big, that matters to the world at large, to identify what matters to you personally and start taking tiny steps toward it.
Instead of looking for a guarantee that tomorrow will be valuable, know that today is valuable—that you’re not wasting time because you don’t yet feel a sense of purpose. You’re using time well by starting (or continuing) the process of discovering it.
There’s simply no shortcut to “figuring things out”—for anyone. Instead of being hard on yourself for , be proud of yourself for moving forward on a foggy road when you could easily find a cloudless, well-beaten path to follow…to certain dissatisfaction.
There’s no set timeframe for doing anything.
You truly can do things in your own time without having to
Sometimes it’s the things we do that feel like “stalling” or “getting off track” that end up being the most helpful for our growth.
And besides, what story will be more interesting to flash before your eyes in the end: one that unfolded in ways you never expected, with uni or, one that followed a specific, predetermined timeline with predictable steps from milestone to milestone?
The best way to find direction is to trust your instincts instead of forcing yourself to do things because you think you “should.”
, and even if you think you aren’t making progress, if you’re following your instincts, you are.
There are always going to be opportunities that look good on paper, and that little, scared voice within may tell you that your life will only matter if you take them.
Other people may also tell you this, if not directly, or, you may assume they’re thinking this, when really, they’re too immersed in their own confusing journey to pass judgment on yours for long.
But sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you don’t take, leaving yourself open for choices that better align with your own values and priorities.
I know this may sound as impossible as growing another lung, but try not to worry so much about what other people might think. They may have expectations, but they aren’t living inside your mind, or feeling your instincts.
The only one who can make wise decisions for you is you. And even if it makes you feel anxious at times, you will eventually thank yourself for being brave enough to follow your heart, not someone else’s head.
When it comes to creating purpose, there truly is no “wrong” decision.
You may think you only have one purpose and that you need to push yourself to find it. And you can continue thinking this, if you’re okay with feeling chronically pressured and scared.
Or, instead of aiming to discover the one thing you’re supposed to do with your life, you could focus on discovering the one thing you want to try right now, knowing that you can change direction any time. And that changing direction won’t be someth it won’t mean you failed at discovering your purpose before. It will mean you had one purpose then, and now your purpose has evolved.
It will mean you’re brave enough to , repeatedly undertaking the sometimes-terrifying process of discovering what else you can do.
Maybe that in itself can be a purpose—to live life in that vulnerable, uncertain place where you’re not boxed i unencumbered by the need to define yourself and you free to roam when it would feel much safer to tether yourself to one role.
Ten years ago I thought I was a failure because I hadn’t done anything that felt important. I now know it was all important, and not just because it brought me to this site.
All those steps were important because those steps were my life. And my life is valuable and worth enjoying regardless of what I do professionally.
Ironically, adopting this mindset makes it so much easier to create meaning in life, because suddenly it’s not about what you have to do. It’s about what you want to do. It’s about where your heart’s pulling you in this moment.
And that’s what it means to find direction—to follow those pulls, without a guarantee, knowing that the goal isn’t to end up somewhere good but to learn to recognize the good in this very moment.
This moment isn’t merely the bridge to where you want to be. This moment—this crucial part of the process—is a destination in itself, and now is your only opportunity to appreciate it, and appreciate yourself for living it.
About Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and , an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. To strengthen your relationships, get her new book, . For inspiring posts and , follow Tiny Buddha on ,
See a typo, an inaccuracy, or something offensive? Please
so we can fix it!
Announcement: Tired of feeling stuck? Learn to
with the Tiny Buddha course!
Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :)
Related posts:
Join the Tiny Buddha list for daily or weekly emails and receive 92 Life Lessons for free.
Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper
Recent Forum Topics
Fun & Inspiring
GET MORE .
Latest Posts
Who Runs Tiny Buddha?
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. .
Get More Tiny Buddha
Credits & Copyright
Hosting by .
Design by .
Copyright & 2016
Tiny Buddha, LLC
Remember Me
Looking for ?扫二维码下载作业帮
1.75亿学生的选择
下载作业帮安装包
扫二维码下载作业帮
1.75亿学生的选择
What do you know about the sea?You may have seen it.Some of us have swum or bathed in it.It looks beautiful on a fine sunny day and it can be very rough when there is a strong wind.What other things do we know about it?Of course,the sea is very large.In the would there is more sea than land.The sea covers three quarters of the earth.The sea is also very deep in some places.It is some parts of it are very shallow.But in some places the depth of the sea is very great.At one spot,near Japan,the sea is nearly 11 kilometers deep!Just think of it.The highest mountain in the world is only about 9 kilometers high!If you have swum in the sea,you know that the water is salty.River carry salt from the land into the sea.Some parts of the sea are more salty than other parts.Do you know the Dead Sea in Arabia?It is very salty.Swimmers cannot sink in it!Fish cannot live in the Dead Sea.It’s a strange sea.In most parts of the sea,there are a lot of fishes and plants.Some live near the top of the sea.Other live deep down.No sunlight can reath the depths of the sea,so it is completely dark.Strange fishes live there.Some are blind.Some have their own lights.Some have their own lights.Some have great jaws.With their great jaws,they can awllow fish larger than themselves.The sea can be very cold.Deep-sea divers know this well.At the top the water may be warm.Then as the divers go down,the sea becomes colder and colder.
温呦小胤子ZQ99
扫二维码下载作业帮
1.75亿学生的选择
你知道大海是什么?你可能已经看过了.我们中的一些人游泳或洗澡.它看起来美丽在一个阳光灿烂的晴朗日子,它可以在有强风时非常粗糙.其他的事情我们知道些什么呢?当然,海是非常大的.将有更多的海洋比陆地.海洋覆盖了地...
为您推荐：
其他类似问题
扫描下载二维码CHAPTER&VII:&ENERGY&AND&COURAGE
已投稿到：
以上网友发言只代表其个人观点，不代表新浪网的观点或立场。Put yourself in situations where you will be forced to communicate in English, you will see more progress over a time．A.orB.soC.yetD.and 题目和参考答案——精英家教网——
成绩波动大？难提高？听顶级名师视频辅导，
& 题目详情
Put yourself in situations where you will be forced to communicate in English, ________ you will see more progress over a time．A.orB.soC.yetD.and
D考查特殊句式。句译为：把自己置身于被迫用英语进行交流的环境，经过一段时间你就会看到更大的进步。此句是“祈使句+and+简单句”句型。
请在这里输入关键词：
科目：高中英语
语法填空(共10小题；每小题1.5分，满分15分)
阅读下面短文，按照句子结构的语法性和上下文连贯的要求，在空格处填人一个适当的词或使用括号中词语的正确形式填空，并将答案填写在答题卡标号为31～40的相应位置上。 “Put yourself in someone else’s shoes” is ___31___ idiom that means if you imagine yourself to be in another person’s position, good or bad, you may understand how they feel, good or bad, or why they have done ___32___ they’ve done. This idiom comes from the fact ___33___ a pair of perfectly fitting shoes for someone may not fit another person as perfectly. So, literally, only if you put ___34___ another person’s shoes can you feel how it is to walk in___35___. Metaphorically(比喻地) speaking, “their shoes” stands for other people’s position. A local boy is detained(扣留) by the police ___36___ a theft, and one of his friends might ___37___ (private) say to himself: “I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes now”. That is, he doesn’t want ___38___ (put) into prison for stealing. By trying to “put on their shoes”, we try to imagine ourselves in ___39___ situation, by seeing things from their point of view, by thinking about how we would want to be treated if we were them. Harper Lee, of course, ___40___ (express) this idea best in To Kill a Mockingbird: “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
科目：高中英语
题型：阅读理解
Too many people want others to be their friends，but they don’t give friendship back. That is why some friendships don’t last long. To have a friend，you must learn to be one. You must learn to treat your friend the way you want your friend to treat you. Learning to be a good friend means learning three rules：be honest；be generous；be understanding. &&& Honesty is where a good friendship starts. Friends must be able to trust one another. If you do not tell the truth，people usually find out. If a friend finds out that you haven’t been honest，you may lose the friend’s trust. Good friends always count_ on one another to speak and act honestly. &&& Generosity means sharing and sharing makes a friendship grow. You do not have to give your lunch money or your clothes .Naturally you will want to share your ideas and feelings. These can be very valuable to a friend. They tell your friend what is important to you. By sharing them，you help your friend know better. &&& Sooner or later every one needs understanding and helping with a problem. Something may go wrong at school. Talking about the problem can make it easier to solve. Turning to a friend can be the first step in solving the problem. So to be a friend you must listen and understand. You must try to put yourself in your friend’s place so you can understand the problem better. &&& No two friendships are ever exactly alike .But all true friendships have three things in common. If you plan to keep your friends，you must practice honesty，generosity and understanding.
Some friendships don’t last very long because ________. & A. there are too many people who want to make friends & B. some people receive friendship but don’t give friendship back & C. those who give others friendship receive friendship from others & D. they don’t know friendship is something serious
According to the passage，honesty is________. & A.something countable & B. the base of friendship & C. as important as money & D. more important than anything else
The best title of this passage is ________. & A. Honesty Is the Best Policy & B. A Friend in Need Is a Friend Indeed & C. How to Be Friends & D. Three Important Points in Life
What’s the meaning of “count on” in this passage? & A. 数，点（数）& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&B. 认为，看作 & C. 重视&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&D. 期待
科目：高中英语
来源：2016届天津市高一上学期期中考试英语试卷（解析版）
题型：阅读理解
The morning had been a disaster. My tooth was aching,and I’d been in an argument with a friend. Her words still hurt：“The trouble with you is that you won’t put yourselfin my place. Can’t you see things from my point of view?” I shook my headstubbornly—and felt the ache in my tooth. I’d thought I could hold out till mydentist came back from holiday, but the pain was really unbearable. I startedcalling the dentists in the phone book, but no one could see me immediately.Finally, at about lunch time, I got lucky. “If you come by right now,” the receptionist said,“the dentist will fit you in.”I took my purse and keys and rushed to my car. Butsuddenly I began to doubt about the dentist. What kind of dentist would be soeager to treat someone at such short notice? Why wasn’t he as busy as theothers?In the dentist’s office, I sat down and looked around.I saw nothing but the bare walls and I became even more worried. The assistantnoticed my nervousness and placed her warm hand over my ice-cold one. When I told her my fears, she laughed and said, “Don’tworry. The dentist is very good. ”“How long do I have to wait for him?” I askedimpatiently. “Come on, he is coming. Just lie down and relax. Andenjoy the artwork,” the assistant said. “The artwork?” I was puzzled. The chair went back, suddenly I smiled. There was abeautiful picture, right where I could enjoy it: on the ceiling. Howconsiderate the dentist was! At that moment, I began to understand what myfriend meant by her words. What a relief!1. Which of the following best describes the author’sfeeling that morning?A. Happy. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& B.Nervous. &&&&&&&&&&&&&& C.Satisfied. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& D.Upset. 2. What made the author begin to doubt about thedentist?A. The dentist’s agreeing to treat her at very shortnotice. B. The dentist’s being as busy as the other dentists. C. The surroundings of the dentist’s office. D. The laughing assistant of the dentist. 3. What did the author learn from her experience mostprobably?A. Strike while the iron is hot. &&&&&&&&&& B. Have a good word for one’s friend. C. Put oneself in other’s shoes. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& D. A friend in need is a friend indeed. &
科目：高中英语
来源：2012届广东省高二三月月考英语试题
题型：其他题
语法填空（共10小题；每小题1.5分， 满分15分）阅读下面短文，按照句子结构的语法性和上下文连贯的要求，在空格处填入一个适当的词或使用括号中词语的正确形式填空，并将答案填写在答题卡标号为16-25的相应位置上。& Making new friends means __1.______（put） yourself out on alimb and asking others not only to accept you, but to like you and want to bearound you as well. ____2.__(fortunate)， there is no magicalsolution ____3.____ this part of the process, so if you wantto make friends, take a deep breath and jump right in!& 4.__ first step to making new friends is figuring out what isholding you back. A lot of times people 5.____are interested in making new friends don’t know why they don’t have themalready. They can’t see that _6.___ own actions are workingagainst them.& Once you can identify(确认，确定) what is keeping youfrom making new friends, you need to work through these concerns. This can bepainful _7.___ you will need to put yourselfoutside of your comfort zones to see any real differences. & The next step is to shine in thesesocial settings so that others will leave with a positive ___8.___ (impress). If you find social situations hard, just rely ona few simple rules.& When you feel ___9.___ (confidence) that you’ve made some great new friends, getout there and celebrate with them! No matter ____10.____you decide to do, the important thing is to celebrate your new friends andhopefully continue cultivating more. &&
科目：高中英语
来源：2013届云南省芒市高一期末英语卷
题型：阅读理解
Too many people want others to be theirfriends，but theydon’t give friendship back. That is why some friendships don’t last long. Tohave a friend，youmust learn to be one. You must learn to treat your friend the way you want yourfriend to treat you. Learning to be a good friend means learning three rules：be honest；be generous；be understanding.Honesty is where a good friendship starts.Friends must be able to trust one another. If you do not tell the truth，people usually find out. If afriend finds out that you haven’t been honest，you may lose the friend’s trust. Good friends alwayscount_ on one another to speak and act honestly.Generosity means sharing and sharing makesa friendship grow. You do not have to give your lunch money or your clothes.Naturally you will want to share your ideas and feelings. These can be veryvaluable to a friend. They tell your friend what is important to you. Bysharing them，youhelp your friend know better.Sooner or later every one needsunderstanding and helping with a problem. Something may go wrong at school.Talking about the problem can make it easier to solve. Turning to a friend canbe the first step in solving the problem. So to be a friend you must listen andunderstand. You must try to put yourself in your friend’s place so you canunderstand the problem better.No two friendships are ever exactly alike.But all true friendships have three things in common. If you plan to keep yourfriends，you mustpractice honesty，generosityand understanding.1.Some friendships don’t last very longbecause ________.
A．there are too many people who want to make friends
B．some people receive friendship but don’t give friendship back
C．those who give others friendship receive friendship from others
D．they don’t know friendship is something serious
2.According to the passage，honesty is________.
A．something countable
B．the base of friendship
C．as important as money
D．more important than anything else
3.The best title of this passage is________.
A．Honesty Is the Best Policy
B．A Friend in Need Is a Friend Indeed
C．How to Be Friends
D．Three Important Points in Life
4.What’s the meaning of “count on” in thispassage?
A．数，点（数）
B．认为，看作
精英家教网新版app上线啦！用app只需扫描书本条形码就能找到作业，家长给孩子检查作业更省心，同学们作业对答案更方便，扫描上方二维码立刻安装！
请输入姓名
请输入手机号}