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Fuck the po-lice!
In case you haven't noticed - which you haven't, 'cause from what I can tell, you don't notice anything ever - we are not very functional when we're high. :
Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was, like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you gotta say to that? :
Well, that would be true if you had saved me. But you didn't save me. She was gonna help us, but you made things worse. Now we're wanted for all sorts of crazy shit! :
Don't fucking get on my case, all right? Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbeh in a nice retirement home. :
[sarcastically] Oh, yeah, she must be proud of you for that. :
She is really proud of me, and I'm gonna become something, man! As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot, what the hell do you do?
[talking about his girlfriend] I go visit her in high school and all the guys she goes to school with are, like, strong and handsome and really, like, funny and do good impressions of Jeff Goldblum and shit like that. And, like, I just feel like a fat, dumb fuckin' stinky-ass turd when I'm there. :
It sucks for my ego. :
Fuck Jeff Goldblum, man!
[after Red tosses an ashtray, frisbee style, at Dale's head] Holy cock! :
[to Red] Fuck you!
What's down there, a fucking Rancor?
[as he is just about to punch Carol in the face] You're in the jungle now, Baby!
This is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush I had - and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked - this would the shit that they birthed. :
[smells the marijuana] Wow. This is the product of baby fucking.
How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back. :
Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friends. You are my drug dealer. The only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be fantastic! :
I'm sorry, that sounded really mean... just to hear that, that sounded really mean. :
No, I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now! :
What? That's not even... a figure of speech. :
Pandora can't go back into the box - he only comes out.
Enjoy your last meal.
[throws bills at Dale] :
Here, supersize it, bitch.
[throws change]
Just sit back and get ready to enjoy some of the rarest weed known to mankind.
[he lights a joint and inhales] :
It's really that rare? :
[exhales] It's, like, the rarest.
[he examines the joint] :
It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn... with, like, a bomb.
[while hiding in the woods, on the run from Ted's henchmen] Even if he found that roach, how could he find us? :
Um... heat-seeking missiles... bloodhounds... and foxes... barracudas... :
I'm just - I'm kind of flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird. :
Thank you. :
Not a compliment.
Hey, look: it's like my thumb is my cock. :
That's not gonna get us a ride, man.
Let's roll, man! I'm done with the woods! Let's go! C'mon, man, let's get the fuck outta here! :
[sarcastically] Okay... Uhh let's go... No... It's not working... the battery's dead. :
Wait...! What do you mean, it's dead? :
[laughing] What do I mean? I mean the battery's dead. The battery's dead! :
No, no! What do you mean, the battery's dead? :
How can I explain this to you differently? The battery is dead. It ceased to live. It's deceased now. The car needs a battery to start, Saul. :
[frustrated sigh] How did this happen? :
Well we clearly fell asleep with the battery on and-... :
Aw, man... Talk radio? :
Yes, talk radio. :
So boring, man! The car just committed suicide.
Best Fuckin' Friends Forever, man!
Holy cock!
When my foot was in the hole - and my groin - man, I felt like a wishbone.
Man, why'd we have to go to the woods? :
Well you didn't come up with any ideas! :
Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno's.
[Saul talking to Red on the phone] Well be careful, man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A dude, a lady, and a cop? That like a massacre, man!
There's a fly in the ointment, shits hittin' the fan, the lion will speak!
Hey, man, what happened to your lip? :
Yeah... it looks like you've been crying or something... :
Um, actually, my lip, that's a cold sore. And I've never had a cold sore before, so I cried. :
Dude, a cold sore? Does that mean like... herpes? :
Yes, that's what it means. I have herpes. :
Herpes... Whoa, do you know how many, like, joints we've shared? :
Yes, I know, I'm a disgusting person.
[Dale walks in unexpectedly] :
Hello? Hey, man. :
What the fuck? I didn't buzz you in. How the monkey did you get in here? :
Oh, shit, some guy with a faux 'hawk let me in. He was leaving when I was-... :
Fuckin' Kyle, man? :
It might've been Kyle. :
That asshole. :
I'm sorry. :
What the fuck's the buzzer for, anyway? :
I don't know. I'm sorry about that. I don't know your protocol yet.
[quoting 227] I thought hurricane season was over!
Oh, wow, you got a cute picture. :
Oh, yeah, me and my bubbeh. Hey, let me ask you something. Do you think you could pull the plug on someone if you needed to? Like euthanasia? :
Like on her? :
If I needed to. :
Um... I'm kind of in a hurry, man. I don't know if we should start going down that road. I could talk all day about euthanasia. Don't get me started. :
Well, save it! :
We'll save it for next time. We'll keep it going.
What's up with the suit? :
Oh, I'm a process server, so I have to wear a suit. :
Wow, you're a servant? Like a butler? A chauffeur? :
No, no. What? No, I'm not like-... :
Shine shoes? :
I'm a *process server*!
He fucking killed him! :
Who killed who? :
A cop, a lady, and a guy! :
A cop, a lady, and a guy, man? That's like a massacre. You saw it? :
No, it was just a guy! :
What happened to the lady?
[talking about Pineapple Express] It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn... with, like, a bomb.
I wish we could just go nowhere.
Do you know what today is? :
Tuesday. :
This is my cat's birthday today. :
I don't see a cat in here. I'm sorry. Did you let it out by accident? :
No, because he died three months ago, okay? So now who's the funny guy? :
I'm sorry? :
Today is his birthday and it is a tradition that on his birthday I get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of dessert. :
Don't worry, bro. Your cat's going to heaven. :
Yeah, maybe. Maybe he went to heaven. He was a little fucker. He could've gone to hell.
You don't think I can handle danger? :
What are you talking about? :
You can. :
I totally can. And for you to come into my house and not tell secrets because you think you're saving me, well, in reality it just makes you look like a dumbass, cause look at this.
[He shows them his shaved armpits] :
You see this? You see that? There's no hair under here, bro. :
What's the significance of that? :
It makes me aerodynamic when I fight. I can take danger.
[Red wakes up and is taped to a chair] Hey, what's up, dudes? :
What's up? Tell us everything now! :
Talk, Red. :
I'm gonna flex and bust out of here.
[Red tries to bust out] :
Trapped. :
It's not happening, Red. :
Okay, I'll talk. Um, Ted Jones, he knows you witnessed the murder. He found your roach. He sent two guys over here, Budlofsky and Matheson. Two real big son of a bitches. They're basically out to kill you guys, and they're gonna kill me, too, unless I turn y'all over. So you guys are basically fucked.
You know you gonna die, right? :
I'm gonna kill the fuck out of you! I hope you enjoy these last seventeen minutes of your life.
I'm gonna get us out of here! :
No, you're not. But it's okay.
You lied to me. :
I did. I lied big time to you. :
Dale said that that you didn't even have herpes, and I said that you did. :
Honestly, like, from now on, just, like, from everything that we've gone through, from, like, seeing this fuckin' asshole's nuts smashed with my Daewoo, I want to be a better friend to you. I really do. :
I fuckin' love you, dog. I fuckin' love you. :
I wanna be inside you, homes. :
No more lies, Red. :
This is my moment. :
This is your moment.
[Carol shoots Red]
You still got that bong I got you when I was in Tel Aviv? :
Hell yeah, Bong Mitzvah! Hit it up, dude!
You killed my ear! :
You shot me! :
I didn't do that! :
HE shot me! :
You shot him? :
nods his head :
Get your hands off me! :
Shut up! we've had enough of you! :
I'm not your friend!
Relax, man, just sit back and get ready to enjoy some of the rarest weed known to man. :
It's really that rare? :
It's like the rarest. It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like... killin' a unicorn... with, like, a bomb... :
Are you the only guy in town who has this? You're actually the only guy? :
Yeah. My guy Red said he was givin' me an exclusive sneak preview. :
And am I the only gu the other guys got snicklefritz? :
Yeah. So *we're* like the only guys... :
And Red got this from Ted? :
Ted's the man. :
...Let's get the fuck outta here, man! Go! Go! Let's go! :
Let's go! Go! :
Because! I threw a roach of this outside of Ted's house! :
So what, man? I throw roaches all over the fuckin' town... :
No! No, no! He could find the roach and say it's Pineapple Express in here! SAUL! He's the only guy who HAS Pineapple Express! He must've seen the murder or know - let's fuckin' kill him! :
Oh, fuck! :
Let's get outta here! Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop! Get weed! Get the weed! :
Anything we might need: snacks, food, fruit roll-ups! Let's get the fuck outta here!
I think we should stay! :
...Cause I'm in the dumpster already!
What the fuck is this thing? :
Ah. Cross joint. :
You ever smoke one of those? :
You can SMOKE this? :
Hell yeah, man! :
This. Is. The future, this is like the apex of the vortex of joint engineering. It's rumored that M. M. O'Shaughnessy designed the first one - the guy who, uh, designed the Golden Gate Bridge. My second favorite civil engineer behind Hannskarl Bandel: Madison Square Garden... What you do is you light all three ends at the same time... :
- and then the smoke converges, creating a TRIFECTA of joint-smoking power. This is it, man. This is what your grandchildren are gonna be smoking. Future. That - future...
You know, don't get down on yourself: You got a great girl, you got a great job whete you don't go anything, you get to smoke weed all day... I wish I had that... :
Are you kidd - you do, you have the easiest job on Earth. You DO smoke weed all day. :
...Hahaha, that's true! :
You didn't think of that, huh? :
I do have a good job... :
Yeah, you do nothing! :
Thanks, man! :
No problem. :
Thank you.
I'm cold... :
You're cold? Oh, I'm not cold at all. Here...
[he starts to take off his coat] :
... I run hot. :
You got more... :
Thick blood. :
Herpes is for life, bro! :
Yeah, well, I'm gonna try to definitely put some sort of medical ointment on it. I've been takin V that really doesn't take down the swelling, though. :
It's from that time. I told you, man! You wanted to eat that lollipop out of that stripper's snatch! You wanted to do it! :
Out of her vagina, I know! Remember what you did? What'd you do? :
Nothing. :
You ate a box of Nerds outta her butt-hoooole.
Oh, sick! You threw up on my printer! :
You break it? :
I hope not.
[Saul throws his cell phone into the woods after suggesting that they can be traced] :
Whoa! What the fuck was that? :
I was trying to hit that tree. I missed. :
What tree? :
That one. :
Why didn't you smash it on a rock like a normal person like I did? :
I don't know! How often does somebody smash things? I'm rusty, fuck. :
Oh, man, did you at least see where it landed? :
I don't know. Just call it. :
Call it? With what? My phone has been smashed! :
[pauses] Y'know, I bet they can't even triangulate those things. :
Well, you shouldn't have said anything, because now you convinced me they can! You were very convincing back there! :
Okay, okay. Fine, I'll go find it. Fuck. :
Do you see it? :
See what? :
The phone, you idiot!
[Reaches for Dale's hand, trying to pull him into the air vent] Give it to me! :
Come on! :
Be taller! :
[Gives up] Be stronger!
I'm here to save my best friend... I've got an idea! Rub your wrists against my belt buckle!
[Saul does. It looks like humping] :
I'm gonna save you, man! :
[Grinds against Dale] Yeah! Yeah! :
Let me save you!
Smell it. SMELL it! Enjoy. It's like... God's vagina! :
What, do you wanna bathe in it? :
I just want to live in here! :
Yes, you wanna be it? :
Oh, my God, I just wanna shove it up my nose and have that smell all day. That's amazing! It's beautiful! :
Shove it anywhere you like! :
What's it called? :
Pineapple Express.
[Matheson punches Saul] Stand back! Ted wants him alive! :
Why're you holding me back? :
Ted wants him alive, okay? :
I should be kicking his fucking teeth in! :
If anybody's gonna beat him up, it's gonna be Ted. :
I look like Hamburglar! And the Elephant Man! :
You look like someone fucked you up with a coffee pot, man! :
Professional. Professional. :
Professional on this, bitch! :
[to Saul] Whatever, man.
[to Budlofsky] :
And where were you? :
I was there! :
You're supposed to be my partner! :
I was there! :
No, you wasn't there! How did this happen, then? :
He's got good reflexes, man.
You know you gonna die right? :
[sadly] Yeah... :
I'm gonna kill the fuck out you... I hope you enjoy these last... 17 minutes of your life... cause when Ted gets here, he's gonna be like, 'Kill that motha fucker, kill that motha fuckin ass'... watch your head!
[Red throws ashtray at Dale's face] Holy cock! :
[runs away]
[Matheson kills Budlofsky for refusing to refusing to shoot Saul when he had the chance] :
I knew you were going soft. Dinner's gonna be cold tonight, asshole! :
Fucked up, man. :
[Points his gun at Saul] Well looky here, Mr. Forges. Wussup, Saul? :
Look, I didn't want to hit you, man... :
SHUT THE FUCK UP! You think you was gonna get me, motherfucker? Huh? You need to set your little sexy ass down and watch yourself get killed now! :
Alright! You know what, if this is how it's gonna be, alright. Silence!
[Red drives his car into the barn, killing Matheson]
[both are running away, Saul jumps into nearby dumpster] Hey, in here! :
[comes to a surprised stop] What? WHOA! I gotta get to a phone, man, COME ON! :
[tired] Why? :
Why? Why, look! OK, if Red tells Ted's guys about
my name, They'll go to my apartment,
And there, I have Angie's name!
[flailing arms] :
And they could put that all together, and they'll find us, Let's go! :
[still tired, realizing that he's dirty] No, no. I think we should stay. :
[mad] WHY? :
'Cause I'm in the dumpster already! :
[mad still] Well, then get out!
[smells Saul and the dumpster] :
[underneath a door] TIME OUT! Time out! :
[stops jumping on the phone] Okay, truce. :
Time in! Fuck you! :
CHEATER! :
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Yeah I know where he lives, what are you insinuating, that I'm forgetful? :
[surprised and slightly impressed] Insinuating... :
Yeah you know what that means? It means like... :
I do what that means actually. :
...to seem like.
[giving 3 schoolboys some pineapple express] But don't call it that. Call it... Banana Boat.
[giving 3 schoolboys pineapple express] If anyone asks, you got it from Sau - -I mean... Santiago and... Dunbar.
Get the FUCK out of my car, I can't believe you'd even think that would be an option. :
We gotta get away from the bad guys! :
No, no, he's right. Come on, let's go.
[Dale and Saul start to get out of the car] :
[Red spits in Saul's eye] HERPES! :
[smacks Saul with dustbuster and beats him on the ground] You brought the devil into my house! :
[confused as to why Red is hitting him] We're friends! :
I know we are, that's what SUCKS! :
Are you on that meth shit again?
[screams to Dale] :
Dale, he's hurting me!
[getting ready to smoke cross joint] Okay here's what you do. You equip yourself... :
I'm equipping! Equip me, sir!
What you do... is you light all three ends at the same, and the smoke converges, creating a *trifecta* of joint-smoking power. This is it, man. This is what your grandchildren are gonna be smoking. Future, that future.
I wish I had a job like that. Where I could just sit around and smoke weed all day :
Hey you do have that job. You do sit around and smoke weed all day. :
Hey you're right. Hey thanks man.2016 is the Year of the Monkey. Monkeys are so smart and cute,阅读理解答案_中考英语阅读_阅读答案网
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2016&is&the&Year&of&the&Monkey.&Monkeys&are&so&smart&and&cute,阅读理解答案
作者：佚名
文章来源：
更新时间： 13:06:21
(2016济宁)阅读理解2016 is the Year of the Monkey. Monkeys are so smart and cute, and so many people like them. They have become a part of culture. Here are some stories to help you learn more about them. New stamps for the year The China Post Group made special stamps for the year. They made two styles. On the first one, a monkey hangs on a branch（树枝）, holding a big red peach. This means to give luck to people. On the other stamp, a mother monkey holds two monkey babies in her arms. It shows the happy reunion（团聚） of families. The monkey stamps were for sale on Jan.5th. Monkey show In China, there is an ancient drama called Monkey Show. It tells the story of Monkey King. When actors perform, they will paint "monkey faces" with colors. Red is the main color. Interestingly, they don't draw eyebrows（眉毛）. Influence on personality In Chinese culture, the monkey is a symbol of wisdom. Those who were born in the Year of the Monkey are said to be smart and outgoing. They are also said to have strong leadership and social skills. They can solve all kinds of problems in life and be kind to others. Fun Fact Did you know The world's smallest monkey is the finger monkey. It is only 10cm tall. They live in the Amazon rainforest （亚马逊雨林） of South America. Amazingly, they can turn their heads 180 degrees. 40. Which of the following stamp means "the happy reunion of families"
41. Which of the following is TRUE according to the passage A. Actors learn how to paint "monkey faces" from Monkey Show. Ｂ. Those born in the Year of the Monkey are thought to be friendly. Ｃ. Stories about the Year of the Monkey is the culture of many countries. Ｄ. The finger monkey which is 180cm tall is the smallest in the world.
42. The best title of this passage is _______. A. Year of Monkey B. New Monkey Stamps C. Monkey Show D. Different Monkeys
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