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8 Basic Rules For Texting a Girl You Like
April 18th, 2011 by
Note: There is a much updated and expanded version of this on my free eBook
Like it or not, texting is here to stay. As part of the dating process, you’re responsible for keeping in touch with her and making things interesting. Thankfully, this works in your favor.
Texting allows you to come up with witty and enticing responses from a comfortable location. It’s easy enough to master and with some basic guidelines, you should be a pro in no time. Here are some simple points to remember when texting a girl you’re interested in.
Avoid improper grammar
Well-written text messages make you look mature and intelligent. Sloppiness is not only a turn-off but also a potential deal breaker. Some shortcuts like “np at all” are okay but “kk can’t wait 2 c u 2nite” is excessive. Double-check your spelling, grammar, and auto correct before you press send.
Use emoticons wisely
A smile or wink is great for adding emphasis or being flirtatious. However, using them in every other sentence can be overkill and distracting from what you’re trying to say. Sticking to no more than one emoticon per message is usually a good idea.
Don’t flood her with texts
Replying with three texts for every one she sends shows you’re too eager and too invested. You shouldn’t over-think it but go easy and feel out the pace of the conversation. If she takes an hour to respond, just give it a few minutes before messaging her back.
Text at reasonable times
Unless she’s working the graveyard shift, texting her randomly at four in the morning won’t look good. I’m positive whatever you have to say can wait until the next day. Also, if you’ve had a heavy night of drinking, be cautious of what you’re writing.
Use more statements
How do you talk with your friends? You probably shoot the shit and ask the occasional question. Use this as a reference point for your natural style and add a dash of spice when talking to her. Bombarding her with questions will make it feel like an interrogation.
Keep things light
A girl loves to see her phone buzz and read a text from you that’s cute, intriguing, and makes her laugh. Don’t get too personal over text – it isn’t worth it and should be saved for in-person or phone conversations. Tell her about your funny train ride home and not your life story.
Start flirting with her
Short, sweet, and your opportunity to shine, flirtatious texts are a great way to generate sparks. Trust and comfort have to build over time, but light and teasing messages will keep her on her toes until then. Make fun of her for watching Dancing With the Stars or even playfully accuse her of seducing you.
Set up a date
Texting is a low-pressure way to setup a date. When she’s responding well, suggest an activity that you can do together. Try something like, “Hey I’m going to X on Thursday, you should come along – it’ll be awesome :)” It’s casual and she’s more likely to say yes.
Now that you’ve read my ideas, I’d love to see some of yours. What are some texting tips that have worked for you?
Want my personal 1-on-1 help to implement what you’ve just learned? I work with guys just like you to magnetically attract women, increase their confidence, and become the man girls really want.
Boston. All Rights Reserved.Dealing with People Who Talk Down to Me :: Emerging From Broken
Dealing with People Who Talk Down to Me
I reached a point in my adult life where I found myself wondering why some people who seemed to be so nice to other people, were not so nice to me.
I realized as I grew in this process of emotional healing that it had a lot to do with my own inner value. It was as though people could “see” how much I would put up with. My worth, before I emerged from broken had a lot to do with what I could do for others. I thought that my value was in what I had to offer. A lot of people took advantage of me and used me. I did a lot of service work but wasn’t really appreciated for it. I tried not to do if for the appreciation, but when people treated me like I didn’t matter, it really hurt me. I bent over backwards to “be good enough to deserve acceptance.”
~ enough to call them on it. I had to realize that they were wrong to treat me that way and if I let it go, they were likely to keep doing it. I had to care enough about me to reject that kind of treatment. I had to realize that when people talk down to me, it doesn’t define me as beneath them.
On the other hand I also had to learn that when people fall all over themselves to be with me, that doesn’t define me as worthy either. That was the false definition of love and acceptance that I had to come to understand in this process of emotional healing.
This was a huge part of my recovery process.
First I had to .
I had to own my equality and believe in myself. Instead of constantly asking myself what was wrong with me and searching my heart for how I could be worthy of love and respect, I started to ask myself why people felt they had permission to treat me as less valuable or less important than they were.
The truth those thoughts led to enabled me to start asking those people who were discounting me questions about why they behaved the way they did towards me.
Years ago I would fantasize about talking to them the way that they talked to me. I imagined myself rising up and using all my sarcastic voice infliction, sneering down at them or rolling my eyes at them and disregarding them the same way that they disregarded me. I would “show them” how it felt. But that is not me. I hated that I didn’t know HOW to make them treat me as an equally valuable person.
Instead of scheming up ways of showing them how it feels when someone talks like that or ways to get revenge, I started to ask questions that seemed to shock them.
I say things like “why are you talking to me that way as though I am “nothing”?
I ask “why are you talking to me as though I have no feelings?” or I say “why are you speaking to me as though I am beneath you?”or
“why are you talking to me like I am stupid?” No one ever has an answer. But they stop. They don’t know what to say. They are usually in shock because I point out their behaviour. Sometimes it is just a matter of letting them know that I know what they are doing. They are not fooling me anymore and they are not manipulating me anymore. I am not going to be regarded as beneath anyone.
In the past I was afraid to make those kinds of statements (in the form of questions) because I was afraid that my feelings were wrong. I thought that maybe I was misunderstanding the intention of the person doing the mistreating. I thought I was “exaggerating”; I thought they must be right ~ that in truth maybe I really was nothing. I believed that I was less than other people. I had no understanding of equal value or equality for all people. I thought everyone else was deserving, but that something was wrong with me. I thought that it was my own fault (not that I could figure out WHY it was my fault) that people looked down on me.
When I married my husband his sister constantly talked down to me. For years she went out of her way to put me down whenever he wasn’t in the same room as us. When the kids were born she included my mothering ideas in her constant putdowns and sneering judgements of me. I found it SO frustrating but what could I do? I had no idea that I could point it out to her. It never occurred to me. And it didn’t occur to me because I was pretty sure that I must be wrong. I was sure that it was ME and it didn’t dawn on me that it might be HER or that she was proving herself to be a mean spirited woman. I didn’t realize that I was not the problem, and as I have written so often in the past, I had been convinced all my life that I was the problem… so I didn’t have the guts, OR the conviction
about where the truth lay, to say anything.
I took it. I tried harder to get her to like me!
When I first considered asking these kinds of questions, I thought that I was being a b-word. I really thought that sticking up for myself was mean and nasty and that I was presenting myself as mean and nasty if I confronted anyone with a statement like that. I was afraid that if I were to say any form of
“I don’t have to take your nasty attitude” that they would say “what a b-word you are”.
I had it really mixed up.
But I got stronger. I grew in my understanding of the misuse of power and control. My self esteem began to recover.
I did not deserve that treatment from anyone. I am not stupid and I don’t have to allow people to treat me or to speak to me like I am stupid. The way they regarded me was about them and that isn’t my problem.
One of my fears was that they wouldn’t like me if I stood up to them. But by their actions and regard for me, they already didn’t like me enough to respect me. Another of my fears , but they had never been with me. Relationship of any kind with them was conditional. My fears were misplaced and when I saw the truth, those overwhelming fears began to diminish. If they walked out of my life, and many of them have, what was I going to miss?
Now that I know the truth, I can speak it. Now that I know the truth I don’t have to take that crap.
Now that I know the truth, few people ever say anything nasty to me anymore anyway.
My boundary is drawn in my heart.
It comes from the knowledge of my own worth.
And my life is so much healthier!
Please share your thoughts and feelings.
A snapshot of truth on the journey to emotional healing
Darlene Ouimet
The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.
Get yours here in the upper right side bar or click this link~
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“Of all the horrid ramifications of child abuse, the self-beliefs formed by the child reap the greatest destruction. Abuse is the most penetrating and permanent communication possible, and it always conveys to the child one or more of several messages: ‘I caused it to happen. It’s my fault because I am bad. I don’t deserve any better.’”
Author of Am I Bad?
Dr. Heyward Ewart I was labeled “needy” and an “attention seeker” but the truth is that I didn’t get enough attention. I made up stories to get someone to notice me. I was ignored when I told the truth and there were some big things that happened to me that I should have been protected from, but I wasn’t. Eventually I believed that I must have lied about everything and deserved the punishment. I did not feel loved or valued. As a result it became almost natural for me to accept that the abuse that I suffered was my fault too. Darlene Ouimet Because I didn’t fight most of the abuse when I was growing up in it, I believed that I had given up my right to fight it as an adult. I believed that my childhood silence was ‘consent’. The truth is that as a child I disclosure would have made it worse and silence/compliance was survival. As an adult I have a choice. Talking about it is a part of taking my rights back.
Darlene Ouimet ~ Author of popular e-book Emerging From Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing "There were things said all along about me by my family that discredited me long before I ever exposed any of the truth about what had been going on in my childhood. From a very young age I was defined as a story teller and an exaggerator.
Being defined that way created a default mode where I was always examining ME and not “them” which served a great purpose for abusers and controllers.
Publically, these things were said to discredit me. But why?
Why do those foundations get laid in by the controllers in the first place.
Why did I need to be discredited?..." Read the rest here: beco labeled "the problem" from a young age protected the perpetrators of abuse from having the spotlight of truth shone on themWelcome to all the new people! This page is based on my blog Emerging from Broken, which is about the solutions that I found and implemented in my life so that I could become one whole person and live in wholeness and freedom. The articles are about the many lies that were taught to me about the world and about myself, all of which make up my story and all of which contribute to my understanding of broken and then of healing. And my e-book is available on the EFB Website! Darlene Ouimet Being affirmed as a liar and invalidated by the only people that mattered in my life had its own path of destruction. I kept trying harder to be “good enough” believing that if I were good enough then I would be loved. I also believed that if I were loved by someone else, then I would be able to love myself. This goes to show that I believed my worth came from someone else, and that I accepted the low value that was assigned to me by others ~ what choice does a child have other than to believe their parents? Darlene Ouimet Author of popular e-book “Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing”
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