how to be a better
Hi I need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, we live together. Our relationship is good for the most part. Sometimes I feel myself being too clingy and I want to be with him a lot. I don't have no friends. I spend all my time with him or working. All his free time is with me. How do I break away from him to give him some space and free time, instead of me being clingy. Sometimes I get mad and get jealous because I have no friends, he does, and if he wants to spend some time to hang out with his friends, I get jealous that he rather spend time with them and not me, I know that's not the case. I know I put a lot of pressure on him to spend all his time with me, because I'm bored and lonely if he's out doing something else. Any advice on how to not feel anxious n lonely when he's not around?
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What kind of life are you living right now--are you employed full time? Going to school? I ask because whenever I see these posts, I can't help but wonder if the young women like you posting are being completely honest about the dynamics of their relationship. Sometimes, they blame issues of clinginess, boredom, and jealousy on themselves, claiming they have the problem, but come to find out a few posts later that the boyfriend is controlling and has all but isolated the young woman from her friends and family, maybe even from having any chance of employment or education.
Not saying that is your boyfriend--I just want to lay that out on the table first because this is a place where you can be completely honest.
If this is not the case, then what kind of job do you have? Do you work or go to school full time, as well as your boyfriend, so that you both have schedules that don't allow you much together time as it is? If that's the case, maybe you could simply schedule so much time per day, per week to be together.
As for any free time you may have that is away from your boyfriend--what kinds of things do you like to do? Are you interested in any type of fitness, art, music, collecting, or sport? There are plenty of places to either get involved or volunteer, such as a local animal shelter or joining a YMCA. From there, you can meet other people and form friendships with others that share common interests.
What kind of life are you living right now--are you employed full time? Going to school? I ask because whenever I see these posts, I can't help but wonder if the young women like you posting are being completely honest about the dynamics of their relationship. Sometimes, they blame issues of clinginess, boredom, and jealousy on themselves, claiming they have the problem, but come to find out a few posts later that the boyfriend is controlling and has all but isolated the young woman from her friends and family, maybe even from having any chance of employment or education.
Not saying that is your boyfriend--I just want to lay that out on the table first because this is a place where you can be completely honest.
If this is not the case, then what kind of job do you have? Do you work or go to school full time, as well as your boyfriend, so that you both have schedules that don't allow you much together time as it is? If that's the case, maybe you could simply schedule so much time per day, per week to be together.
As for any free time you may have that is away from your boyfriend--what kinds of things do you like to do? Are you interested in any type of fitness, art, music, collecting, or sport? There are plenty of places to either get involved or volunteer, such as a local animal shelter or joining a YMCA. From there, you can meet other people and form friendships with others that share common interests.
You've just got to get yourself involved with some outside activity.&&By outside, I mean outside the relationship.&&Both of you deserve to have some space, and I think it is important to have that space.
You've just got to get yourself involved with some outside activity.&&By outside, I mean outside the relationship.&&Both of you deserve to have some space, and I think it is important to have that space.
We both work full time. I work Monday thru Friday from 8-6.. he works Monday thru Saturday from 10-8. I am a legal assistant. We spend every night from when we both get out of work together. I don't really have a life besides going to work and staying home or being with my boyfriend. He has a close circle of friends and we all hang out together on the weekends. But I know he needs his alone time without me. I don't have any friends so Im always bored and lonely when he's at work. he doesn't go out alone with his friends but I know he needs and wants to, but doesn't ask because i would throw a fit if he's not with me. my bf pushes me to go out and make friends, he even introduced me to his friends wives. I don't have a life and I sometimes get mad because I'm alone when he's working. How do I take care of my issue, because at times I feel like I'm not happy if I'm not with him. I know I can't depend on him to make me happy all the time, I need to do it myself.
We both work full time. I work Monday thru Friday from 8-6.. he works Monday thru Saturday from 10-8. I am a legal assistant. We spend every night from when we both get out of work together. I don't really have a life besides going to work and staying home or being with my boyfriend. He has a close circle of friends and we all hang out together on the weekends. But I know he needs his alone time without me. I don't have any friends so Im always bored and lonely when he's at work. he doesn't go out alone with his friends but I know he needs and wants to, but doesn't ask because i would throw a fit if he's not with me. my bf pushes me to go out and make friends, he even introduced me to his friends wives. I don't have a life and I sometimes get mad because I'm alone when he's working. How do I take care of my issue, because at times I feel like I'm not happy if I'm not with him. I know I can't depend on him to make me happy all the time, I need to do it myself.
You just need to motivate yourself to get involved in something, try something. If you don't like it, try something else until you find a hobby or interest that entertains you. What kind of interests do you have? Maybe we can come up with a few ideas, or know of some organizations or groups that you could try.
You just need to motivate yourself to get involved in something, try something. If you don't like it, try something else until you find a hobby or interest that entertains you. What kind of interests do you have? Maybe we can come up with a few ideas, or know of some organizations or groups that you could try.
Good advice already given.&&
Quick question----------&&has it been like this for you before in your life?&&Do you have trouble making connections with people?&&I moved around a lot as a kid and I can be a little like that unless I work on it.&&
I think you are really smart to recognize that you need a full life with more than work and your significant other in it.&&I would do what was mentioned above.&&I think that making a list of things you like to do------- things you've done in the past, do now and things you've always wanted to do is helpful.&&There it is in black and white.&&
Ideas-----------&&go to your local library if you like to read and see if they have a book club.&&Go to the Y or a local fitness center as AH suggested and see what types of group fitness classes they offer.&&I'm a big fan of this and if you do a class regularly and open yourself up to chit chat with people--------- you'll find that a group goes to the same classes as part of their routine and you'll become friendly.&&You can grab a juice after or something as you get to know them better.&&Ask a co worker to go to lunch or to the movies sometime (got a lot of chick friends that I go to movies with----------&&my hubby likes movies but not as much as me . . .I can see every movie out there.&&So I see the &chick flicks& with my girlfriends.)&&Are you at all religious?&&Join a church and join a bible study.&&Good news---------- they now have churches that are nondenominational that offer all kinds of social things for people.&&Most are interested in God but not affiliated with any church so it is a great place if you haven't really any church affiliation.&&Volunteer for something.&&Political parties always need help, for example.&&
Just go out on a limb and try to connect with some folks.&&And do things that make you feel good about yourself.&&I like to garden.&&I started in my first apartment out of college.&&I had some pots on my deck that I planted.&&They just made me happy.&&I've continued my whole adult life and have big gardens now of flowers, veg's, fruit, etc.&&It just is fulfilling to me to pursue that hobby and I get a lot of kudos for it.&&Same with cooking for me.&&Silly things-----------&&but I love them and they make me feel good.&&So figure out what you like that makes you feel good and do more of it.&&Oh, and if you like cooking------- take a cooking class.&&Take your hobby and meet people with it.&&
Good luck!&&You sound like a smart lady.
Good advice already given.&&
Quick question----------&&has it been like this for you before in your life?&&Do you have trouble making connections with people?&&I moved around a lot as a kid and I can be a little like that unless I work on it.&&
I think you are really smart to recognize that you need a full life with more than work and your significant other in it.&&I would do what was mentioned above.&&I think that making a list of things you like to do------- things you've done in the past, do now and things you've always wanted to do is helpful.&&There it is in black and white.&&
Ideas-----------&&go to your local library if you like to read and see if they have a book club.&&Go to the Y or a local fitness center as AH suggested and see what types of group fitness classes they offer.&&I'm a big fan of this and if you do a class regularly and open yourself up to chit chat with people--------- you'll find that a group goes to the same classes as part of their routine and you'll become friendly.&&You can grab a juice after or something as you get to know them better.&&Ask a co worker to go to lunch or to the movies sometime (got a lot of chick friends that I go to movies with----------&&my hubby likes movies but not as much as me . . .I can see every movie out there.&&So I see the &chick flicks& with my girlfriends.)&&Are you at all religious?&&Join a church and join a bible study.&&Good news---------- they now have churches that are nondenominational that offer all kinds of social things for people.&&Most are interested in God but not affiliated with any church so it is a great place if you haven't really any church affiliation.&&Volunteer for something.&&Political parties always need help, for example.&&
Just go out on a limb and try to connect with some folks.&&And do things that make you feel good about yourself.&&I like to garden.&&I started in my first apartment out of college.&&I had some pots on my deck that I planted.&&They just made me happy.&&I've continued my whole adult life and have big gardens now of flowers, veg's, fruit, etc.&&It just is fulfilling to me to pursue that hobby and I get a lot of kudos for it.&&Same with cooking for me.&&Silly things-----------&&but I love them and they make me feel good.&&So figure out what you like that makes you feel good and do more of it.&&Oh, and if you like cooking------- take a cooking class.&&Take your hobby and meet people with it.&&
Good luck!&&You sound like a smart lady.
Thank you all for the great advice. I really appreciate it.
As far as hobbies I like working out. I do have a gym membership but haven't gone in a while because I didn't have a work out partner. I will check the class at the gym schedule and start with that. I was really thinking about joining a church and going to bible study.
*Specialmom it has been like this before I met my boyfriend. I am a really shy person and its hard for me to connect with people. I always would just work and go home and didn't really have a social life.
Another thing that makes me like this is because before I got together with my boyfriend. I was in a long term relationship/marriage for 5 years. My husband cheated on me and left Me insecure. I feel like I'm scared to be alone and I have insecurities. I sometimes take it out on my current bf, even though I know he's different. I was single a year before I met my bf. And that year was so lonely and miserable for me because I didn't have a life or positive people around me to go out and do things and enjoy life with.
Thank you all for the great advice. I really appreciate it.
As far as hobbies I like working out. I do have a gym membership but haven't gone in a while because I didn't have a work out partner. I will check the class at the gym schedule and start with that. I was really thinking about joining a church and going to bible study.
*Specialmom it has been like this before I met my boyfriend. I am a really shy person and its hard for me to connect with people. I always would just work and go home and didn't really have a social life.
Another thing that makes me like this is because before I got together with my boyfriend. I was in a long term relationship/marriage for 5 years. My husband cheated on me and left Me insecure. I feel like I'm scared to be alone and I have insecurities. I sometimes take it out on my current bf, even though I know he's different. I was single a year before I met my bf. And that year was so lonely and miserable for me because I didn't have a life or positive people around me to go out and do things and enjoy life with.
I just wish I was more of a social bug and not anti social. I want to have my own life and don't want to ruin my relationship by always being dependant on my boyfriend to be there with me. All of this frustrates me and makes Me take it out on my bf when its not his fault. It causes unnecessary arguments
I just wish I was more of a social bug and not anti social. I want to have my own life and don't want to ruin my relationship by always being dependant on my boyfriend to be there with me. All of this frustrates me and makes Me take it out on my bf when its not his fault. It causes unnecessary arguments
I think finding a chu try out a few churches or call around to some and see what types of small groups they offer. Many churches do much more than just Bible studies for group activities. Since the common goal of church small groups *should* be community and acceptance, you are likely to find something with a group of people you like. You may have to try a few different times at a few different places before you find a place and group of people where you click. Don't give up if you try a few at first and determine they're not for you, or if you had a bad experience.
Another thought...and this may seem kind of plain and simple, but I'm just throwing it out there just in case--have you thought about maybe getting a dog? Right there, that opens up a lot of opportunities just to get out of the house to take the dog places and maybe meet others. Go to obedience or agility classes. Take it to dog parks. Plus, a dog is the type of companion that can offer you unconditional love--it's not going to care if you're clingy and want to take it everywhere for its companionship. ;-)
I think finding a chu try out a few churches or call around to some and see what types of small groups they offer. Many churches do much more than just Bible studies for group activities. Since the common goal of church small groups *should* be community and acceptance, you are likely to find something with a group of people you like. You may have to try a few different times at a few different places before you find a place and group of people where you click. Don't give up if you try a few at first and determine they're not for you, or if you had a bad experience.
Another thought...and this may seem kind of plain and simple, but I'm just throwing it out there just in case--have you thought about maybe getting a dog? Right there, that opens up a lot of opportunities just to get out of the house to take the dog places and maybe meet others. Go to obedience or agility classes. Take it to dog parks. Plus, a dog is the type of companion that can offer you unconditional love--it's not going to care if you're clingy and want to take it everywhere for its companionship. ;-)
Wow thank you for your great advice. I'm definitely going to take it. I really am going to find a church group where I fit in.
I love the idea about getting a dog as a companion. I have been wanting one for a while. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets but when my lease is up and I move I want
Wow thank you for your great advice. I'm definitely going to take it. I really am going to find a church group where I fit in.
I love the idea about getting a dog as a companion. I have been wanting one for a while. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets but when my lease is up and I move I want
To get a dog :)
To get a dog :)
?
Best wishes to you!
?
Best wishes to you!
You mentioned not having a work out partner.&&As much as I like to have a work out partner in the gym, I really enjoy my time lifting by myself.&&It allows to me work things out in my head or completely blow off a ton of steam without being interrupted with my work out partners commentary.&&(My wife and I sometimes go to the gym together, and I like that.&&She cannot lift like I do, so we hit the treadmill together or she does that and I hit the weights before the treadmill.)
Working out by yourself, at least for me, is awesome.&&I really do get things squared away.&&There is always someone to B.S. with a bit and to get my mind off of other things....&&it really is my little get away.&&Which reminds me... I've been out of the gym for a month and need to get my big butt back in there.
You mentioned not having a work out partner.&&As much as I like to have a work out partner in the gym, I really enjoy my time lifting by myself.&&It allows to me work things out in my head or completely blow off a ton of steam without being interrupted with my work out partners commentary.&&(My wife and I sometimes go to the gym together, and I like that.&&She cannot lift like I do, so we hit the treadmill together or she does that and I hit the weights before the treadmill.)
Working out by yourself, at least for me, is awesome.&&I really do get things squared away.&&There is always someone to B.S. with a bit and to get my mind off of other things....&&it really is my little get away.&&Which reminds me... I've been out of the gym for a month and need to get my big butt back in there.
This is a little easy. Exercise is a easy thing to do, going for a routine walk in the morning will get you out of the house. Involving yourself in activities like taking a young family member to places (preferably amusement parks or to the mall) and i bet that your little family member can help you make friends with other people.
You could also do some charity work! Animal shelters or something. Theres all kinds of things, you just need to look. Maybe get hold of an old friend or make friends with you bf's friends, i bet his friends have girlfriends to talk to?
Hope you are successful!
&3 Katona1700s
This is a little easy. Exercise is a easy thing to do, going for a routine walk in the morning will get you out of the house. Involving yourself in activities like taking a young family member to places (preferably amusement parks or to the mall) and i bet that your little family member can help you make friends with other people.
You could also do some charity work! Animal shelters or something. Theres all kinds of things, you just need to look. Maybe get hold of an old friend or make friends with you bf's friends, i bet his friends have girlfriends to talk to?
Hope you are successful!
&3 Katona1700s
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how to be a better
Hi I need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, we live together. Our relationship is good for the most part. Sometimes I feel myself being too clingy and I want to be with him a lot. I don't have no friends. I spend all my time with him or working. All his free time is with me. How do I break away from him to give him some space and free time, instead of me being clingy. Sometimes I get mad and get jealous because I have no friends, he does, and if he wants to spend some time to hang out with his friends, I get jealous that he rather spend time with them and not me, I know that's not the case. I know I put a lot of pressure on him to spend all his time with me, because I'm bored and lonely if he's out doing something else. Any advice on how to not feel anxious n lonely when he's not around?
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