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你可能喜欢The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear 雅各布 纽斯纳
(布朗大学宗教研究系教授)_百度文库
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The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear 雅各布 纽斯纳
(布朗大学宗教研究系教授)
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The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear
Jacob Neusner
We the faculty take no pride in our educational achievement with you. We have prepared you for a world that does not exist, indeed, that cannot exist. You have spent four years supposing that failure leaves no record. You have learned at Brown that when your work goes poorly, the painless solution is to drop out. But starting now, in the world to which you go, failure marks you. Confronting difficulty by quitting leaves you changed. Outside Brown, quitters are no heroes.
With us you could argue about why errors were not errors, why mediocre work really was excellent, why you could take pride in routine and slipshod presentation. Most of you, after all, can look back on honor grades for most of what you have done. So, here grades can have meant little in distinguishing the excellent from the ordinary. But tomorrow, in the world to which you go, you had better not defend errors but learn from them. You will be ill-advised to demand praise for what does not deserve it, and abuse those who do not give it.
For years we created an altogether forgiving world, in which whatever slight effort you gave was all that was demanded. When you did not keep appointments, we made new ones. When your work came in beyond the deadline, we pretended not to care.
Worse still, when you were boring, we acted as if you were saying something important. When you were garrulous and talked to hear yourselves talk, we listened as if it mattered. When you tossed on our desks writing upon which you had not labored, we read it and even responded, as though you earned a response. When you were dull, we pretended you were smart. When you were predictable, unimaginative and routine, we listened as if to new and wonderful things. When you demanded free lunch, we served it. And all this why?
Despite your fantasies, it was not even that we wanted to be liked by you. It was that we did not want to be bothered, and the easy way out was pretense: smiles and easy Bs.
It is conventional to quote in addresses such as these. Let me quote someone you’ve never heard of: Professor Carter A. Daniel, Rutgers University:
College has spoiled you by reading papers that don’t deserve to be read, listening to comments that don’t deserve a hearing, paying attention even to the lazy, ill-informed and rude. We had to do it, for the sake of education. But nobody will ever do it again. College has deprived you of adequate preparation for the last 50 years. It has failed you by being easy, free, forgiving, attentive, comfortable, interesting, unchallenging fun. Good luck tomorrow.
That is why, on this commencement day, we have nothing in which to take much pride.
Oh, yes, there is one more thing. Try not to act toward your co-workers and bosses as you have acted toward us. I mean, when they give you what you want but have not earned, don’t abuse them, insult them, act out with them your parlous relationships with your parents. This too we have tolerated. It was, as I said, not to be liked. Few professors actually care whether or not they are liked by peer-paralyzed adolescents, fools so shallow as to imagine professors care not about education but about popularity. It was, again, to be rid of you. So go, unlearn the lies we taught you. To life!
College: An All-forgiving World?
Ida Timothee
In “The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear,” Jacob Neusner argues that we have been made to believe, according to our college experience, that “failure leave no record” (Paragraph 1) and that things can be easily achieved. It seems to Neusner that college is not a good preparatory school for life because it is making us ready “for a world that does not exist” (Paragraph 1).
There’s no doubt that Neusner should have taken a closer look at what college life is really like before formulating such a strong opinion about it. He is completely ignoring all the pressures and hard times students go through to make it at college. It is not the way he describes it at all.
Is college not preparing us for real life, as Neusner puts it? Is what we are experiencing something not useful to learn for the real world? These are questions that pop into my mind when I think about what Neusner says. I think that he is very wrong. The college years, for many of us, are when we start to be independent, make crucial decisions on our own, and become responsible for them. At college, we must learn to budget out time (and money!) and to be tolerant (otherwise we wouldn’t survive in a crowded triple room!). We meet people from different parts of the world that broaden our view of the world itself and help us understand each other better. If these things are not useful for the real world, then I don’t know what could be.
Neusner believes that in college we are trained to think that “failure leaves no record” because we can supposedly get away with mistakes easily. I have news for him. If you fail a test, you can’t take it again, or the teacher won’t erase the grade even if he thinks you will hate him for the rest of your life. If you drop out of a class, next semester you will have to take more courses. If you get low grades, your chances of
getting into a fine graduate school are almost none. If your grade-point average is not reasonably high for a number of classes, you just don’t get your degree. When midterms and finals come, no one can avoid taking them. When the going gets tough, the tough have to get down to work because, unlike what Neusner believes, college does not give “painless” solutions to mistakes (Paragraph 1). It is not “an altogether forgiving world,” and by no means have teachers “pretended not to care” (Paragraph 3) when deadlines are not kept or when things aren’t done at the time they are supposed to be.
To me, living in a crowded triple, having a one-day reading period before finals, tons of reading, papers, and midterms due the same week are not exactly my idea of “easy, free, forgiving, attentive, comfortable, interesting, unchallenging funs” (Paragraph 6).
你永远都不会听到的毕业典礼致词
在你们身上取得的教育成就，我们这些老师其实一点都不感到自豪。我们培养你们去适应的，是一个根本不存在的世界――事实上也是不能存在的世界。你们在这里度过了四年，四年里你们总以为失败是不会留下任何记录的。在布朗大学里，你们学到的东西是：要是学得不好，一个最省事的办法就是中途退出（不修这门课）。但是从现在开始，在你们即将涉足的世界里，失败会在你身上留下印记的。知难而退会使你变成另一人。出了布朗的大门，知难而退的人绝非什么英雄。
你们可以跟我们争辩，说你们的错误为什么不是错误，本来平平庸庸的作业为什么真的是优秀的，又为什么你们会对普普通通马马虎虎的课堂报告感到骄傲。你们不妨回想一下，毕竟你们中的绝大多数人，在所学的绝大多数课程中都得了高分。因此，这样的高分并不能作为区分优等生和平常学生的依据。但是，今后，在你们所要去的那个世界里，你们最好不要为自己的错误辩护，而应该从中吸取教训。你们不该得到表扬，却要求人家表扬你，人家不表扬你就诋毁他们，这些做法是很不明智的。
多年来，我们形成了一个完全宽容的世界，似乎我们所要求于你们的就是随随便便那一点点努力。你们没有按时间赴约，我们重新约过。你们没有按规定时间交作业，我们假装无所谓的样子。
更糟糕的是，当你们的发言枯燥无味时，我们装作你们说的是重要的事情；当你们喋喋不休、不知所云，我们认真去听，似乎你们说的东西事关重大；当你们把作业撂到我们桌上，那些作业你们根本就没有下功夫去做，我们也都读了，甚至批改、给评语，好像你们努力后我们该给你们这样似的。你们犯傻时，我们假装你们聪明伶俐。你们说些老生常谈的东西，没有想象力、平平淡淡，我们装作像在听什么新鲜的美妙无比的东西。你们要免费的午餐，我们拱手送上。所有这些，凭什么呢？
对这一切，你们尽可以想入非非，但我们绝对不是想讨你们的欢心，而是因为我们不想让你们来罗嗦麻烦。于是，最简单的办法就是：笑一笑，给个B拉倒。
这种场合下的致辞，人们习惯会引用别人的话。现在我也引用一个人的话，这个人你们从来没有听说过，他是拉特格斯大学的卡特?A.丹尼尔教授。他说：
我们给你们批阅那些不值得一读的文章，听那些不值得一听的评论，甚
至那些无所事事、孤陋寡闻、粗鲁莽撞的人也去注意，就这样大学惯坏了你们、毁了你们。为了教育，我们不得不这么做。但以后就没有人会这么做了。大学使你们丧失了为人生最后50年做充分准备的机会。大学轻松、自由、包容、体贴、舒服、充满乐趣、没有挑战，结果没让你们成人。
这就是为什么，在今天进行毕业典礼之际，我们没有任何可以引以为傲的东西。
啊，对了，还有一点说一下。尽量不要像对我们那样对待你们的同事和老板。我的意思是，你想要的东西，自己没有通过努力去争取，人家也给你了，要善待人家，不要侮辱人家，你们跟父母那种糟糕的关系，不要再在他们身上重演了。这些，我们已经受了也就算了。我刚才说了，这些不是要讨你们的欢心。有些年
轻人只有在同龄人里才能找到自我；这帮傻瓜，肤浅得以为老师们在乎的不是教育而是自己的人缘，其实没几个老师真的在乎这帮年轻人是否喜欢他们。再说一遍，只是为了摆脱你们。好了，去吧，抛开我们教给大家的这些假象，去面对现实生活吧。
三亿文库包含各类专业文献、高等教育、应用写作文书、文学作品欣赏、外语学习资料、生活休闲娱乐、The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear39等内容。　
　Essay I The Commencement Speech You'll Never Hear Jacob Neusner 1. We the faculty take no pride in our educational achievement with you. We have ... 　The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear by Jacob Neusner1 We the ...(Chronicle of Higher Education, May 7, 1979): College has spoiled you by... 　Unit 7 College Life The Commencement Speech You'll Never Hear We the faculty take no pride in our educational achievement with you. We have prepared ... 　The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear Words 1. commence 2. faculty 3. pride 4. achieve 5. preparatory 6. world 7. suppose 8. failure 9. recor... 　Passage I The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear1 Jacob Neusner 1 We the faculty take no pride in our educational achievement with you. We have ... 　A: Oh, do you remember the passage we have learned “the Commencement Speech You’ll Never hear”? B: Of course, it’s so unforgettable that I ... 　The Commencement Speech You'll Never Hear Jacob Neusner 1 We the faculty take no pride in our educational achievement with you. We have prepared you ... 　Analyze the text. Time Arrangement(课时安排): 1 Preparation 2-3 4 5 In-Class Reading: The Commencement Speech You’ll Never Hear After-Class Reading ... 　Aid to Text Study 课文学习辅导 II 课文讲解课内精读 In-Class Reading The Commencement Speech You‘ll Never Hear Words & Usage 词汇精讲 abuse (Essay I...我要測驗 - 【杜蘭大學畢業演講】脫口秀女王 Ellen 要你追隨熱情，忠於自己！（中英字幕）(Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane 2009 Commencement Speech) - VoiceTube《看影片學英語》
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Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen
distinguished guests, undistinguished guests - you know who you are
honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher
so,and thank you to all the graduating class of 2009
I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday
but you can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up.
When I was asked to make the commencement speech
I immediately said yes
Then I went to look up what commencement meant
Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary
but most of the books in our house are Portia's
and they're all written in Australian
So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.
Commencement: common, and cement
Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks
Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back
So there's that
But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.
I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus
- alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had to graduate from this school.
And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know if President Cowan knows,I didn't go to any college at all
Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time, or money
but look at me, I am a huge celebrity.
Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks our mascot was the knockers
I spent a lot of time here growing up.
My mom worked at Newcomb and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse
But why am I here today?
Clearly not to steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away with it.
I'm here because of you.
Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class.
I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes
Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up.
I'm here because I love New Orleans
I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you
while I was living here I only did laundry six times.
When I finished school, I was completely lost.
And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway.
And I - I really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do.
I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress,
I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners, I had no idea.
And I thought I'd just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent
maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan,my point is that, by the time I was your age,
I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea.
Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men.
So what I'm saying is, when you're older, most of you will be gay.
Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents?
Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life
and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event.
I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident
And I passed the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going
and I found out shortly after that, it was her.
And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money,
I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas.
And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here?
I don't understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be so convenient
if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions.
And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God
which was one sided and I finished writing it and I looked at it,
and I said to myself -- and I hadn't even been doing stand up, ever
there was no club in town, and I said I'm going to do this on the the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson
at the time he was the king, and I'm gonna be the first woman on the history of the show
to be called over to sit down, and several years later
I was the first woman in the history of the show,
and the only woman in the history of the show,to sit down
because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote
And I started this path of stand up and it was successful,
and it was great, but it was hard because I was trying to please everybody,
and I had this secret that I was keeping that I was gay
and I thought that if people found out they wouldn't like me and they wouldn't laugh at me
then my career turned into -- I got my own sitcom,
and that was very successful, another level of success
and I thought what if they find out I'm gay?
Then they'll never watch...
This was a long time ago, this was just when we had White presidents
but anyway,this was back, many years ago.
And I finally decided that I was living with so much shame
and so much fear that I just couldn't live that way anymore
and I decided to come out, and make it creative
and my character would come out at the same time
and it wasn't to make a political statement
it wasn't to do anything but free myself from this heaviness that I was carrying around
and I just wanted to be honest, and I thought What's the worst that could happen
I could lose my career.
I did. I lost my career.
I got the show was cancelled after six years without even telling me, I read it in the paper.
The phone didn't ring for three years
I had no offers, nobody wanted to touch me at all
And yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide,
but didn't because of what I did
and I realized that I had a purpose
and it wasn't just about me, and it wasn't about celebrity
but I felt like I was being punished
and it was a bad time and I was angry and I was sad
and then I was offered a talk show
and the people that offered me the talk show tried to sell it
and most stations didn't want to pick it up
most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me
and really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing
because really it was so important that I lose everything
because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself
and ultimately, that's what has gotten me to this
place I don't live in fear, I'm free
I don't have any secrets and I know I'll always be OK because no matter what
I know who I am.
So in conclusion, when I was younger
I thought success was something different
I thought, when I grow up, I want to
be famous, I want to be a star
I want to be in movies, when I grow up I want to see the world
drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies.
To quote the Pussy Cat Dolls.
how many people thought it was boobies by the way?
It's not -- its groupies
but my idea of success is different today and as you'll grow
you will realize your definition of success changes.
For many of you, today success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila
for me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity
and not to give in to peer pressure to try to be something that you're not.
To live your life as an honest and compassionate person
to contribute in some way.
so to conclude my conclusion
follow your passion, stay true to yourself
never follow someone else's path
unless you're in the woods and your lost
and you see a path, then by all means you should follow that
Don't give advice, it'll come back and bite you in the ass
don't take anyone's advice.
So my advice to you is to
be true to yourself and everything will be fine
and I know a lot of you are concerned about your future
but there is no need to worry, the economy is booming
the job market is wide open
the planet is just fine
it's gonna be great
You have already survived a hurricane,what else can happen to you?
And as I mentioned before, sometimes the most devastating things
happen to you will teach you the most
and now you know the right questions to ask for your first job interview,
like, Is it above sea level?
so to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded in my common cement speech
I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is like one big Mardi Gras
but instead of showing people your boobs show people your brain
and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with
and you'll be drunk.most of the time
So to the class of 2009 I say congratulations
and if you don't remember a thing I said today
remember this: you're gonna be ok
dum de dum dum dum, just dance
您必須才有此功能
【杜蘭大學畢業演講】脫口秀女王 Ellen 要你追隨熱情，忠於自己！（中英字幕）(Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane 2009 Commencement Speech)
發佈於 2017 年 6 月 7 日
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．暫停影片，讓播放器底部的灰色列進行載入。然後試著再次播放影片看看。
．變更影片畫質為較低設定，看看影片會不會開始載入。
．如果影片仍無法載入，請先清除瀏覽器快取與 Cookie，然後再嘗試收看影片。
如果您在播放 YouTube 影片時沒有聲音出現，請嘗試以下疑難排解步驟：
．調整電腦與喇叭的音量。
．調整 YouTube 影片播放器左下角的音量控制項。
．重新啟動瀏覽器。
．嘗試調整其他影片播放器的音量 (例如 Quicktime、Realplayer 或 Windows Media player)。
在完成上述步驟之後，如果還是沒有聲音，以下還有幾項秘訣可能派上用場：
．更新 Flash Player 至最新版本。
．允許電腦播放第三方 Flash 內容：請造訪 Adobe 說明網頁以瞭解詳情。
．檢查是否有任何防毒及防火牆軟體阻擋第三方 Flash 內容。
目前我們測驗分數的機制，只有第一次直接回答正確才會給分喔！若答錯一次，系統已顯示正確答案後才回答正確的話，是不算分的喔！
很抱歉，目前影片以及其他相關功能只能在有網路連線時使用。
請至網頁版 & 個人頭像 &，並選取「密碼」，便可以更改您的密碼囉！
請至網頁版 & 個人頭像 &，並選取「上傳頭像」，便可以變更您的頭像囉！
是唷！您的收藏影片為大家都看得到的公開資訊！
是唷！若想隱藏，請至網頁版 & 個人頭像 &，並選取「隱私設定」，將「是否要開放讓其它使用者知道你查過的單字」變更為 OFF 。
請檢查瀏覽器有無安裝 YouTube 外掛，已知會發生問題的外掛有：Chrome Extension "FVD Video Downloader" 等，請先移除外掛。
請至搜尋 YouTube 上您想匯入的影片。
您查詢的影片可能是因為 YouTube 並沒有英文字幕，所以無法新增。請多利用我們的查詢您想要學習的影片。
請參考允許網站存取您的攝影機和麥克風，並且確認您的 Flash player 為最新版本。
很抱歉，VoiceTube 目前尚無提供 iPhone、iPad 錄音功能。歡迎下載！
請至影片頁面字幕右上方的「印表機」圖示，便可以選擇下載 英文 / 中文 字幕的 srt 檔囉！
若在影片頁面，點選影片上方的「收藏」鈕，便可以收藏影片囉！在影片列表時，可直接點選影片縮圖左上方的「我喜歡」，也可以收藏影片喔！
VoiceTube 翻譯社群歡迎所有翻譯高手加入！請至填寫申請表，我們會在3個工作天內寄發試譯文喔！試譯文是我們審核翻譯志工的標準。
1. 單字查詢佳句收藏
選取單字或佳句，可即時查詢字典及收藏！
2. 單句重複播放
可重複聽取一句單句，加強聽力！
3. 使用快速鍵
使用影片快速鍵，讓學習更有效率！
4. 關閉語言字幕
進階版練習可關閉字幕純聽英文哦！
5. 內嵌播放器
可以將英文字幕學習播放器內嵌到部落格等地方喔
6. 展開播放器
可隱藏右方全文及字典欄位，觀看影片更舒適！
英文聽力測驗
挑戰字幕英文聽力測驗！
點擊展開筆記本讓你看的更舒服
快速鍵（以下為小寫）
影片播放、暫停
下一句字幕
上一句字幕
調慢說話速度
調回正常說話速度
隱藏英文字幕
隱藏中文字幕（如果有的話）
將查詢字典視窗關閉
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