Script - transcript from the screenplay and/or Robert Redford game show scandals movie
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Quiz Show
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Robert Redford game
show scandals movie starring Ralph Fiennes, John Turturro, Mira Sorvino, etc..& This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Quiz Show. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Swing on back to
afterwards for more !
So this is the 300.
The forward look.
1958 is here today.
That's the ermine white.
Seventeen coats, hand-sanded.
- I'm sure it's the 17th coat
that does it.
- Power steering. Power windows.
Power brakes.
Power mirrors.
The new auto-pilot will make you
virtually superfluous.
I'm not sure I need a car
TorqueFlite transmission.
The standard that sets the standard.
And the top operates by
just the touch of a button.
I can feel the wind
in my hair already.
- Let me see. You just out of school?
- Harvard Law School.
That degree sells itself.
Do you live here in Washington?
- I've been working for the government.
- Not that it's permanent.
Care to get behind the wheel,
Mr Goodman?
Just be careful
with the cigar.
Used to be the man drove the car.
Now the car drives the man.
Go on. Turn it over.
- Is it, uh--
- It's in neutral.
- Listen to that power.
- This is the town for it.
And with the new Bendix Electrojector,
we can rate this honey up to--
horsepower.
- Correct to the hoof.
If my wife knew I was here,
she'd kill me.
- What a way to go.
I see you're admiring
the seats.
That's pigskin and calfskin.
Hand rubbed.
Nicest piece of furniture I own
would be in the garage.
Try the radio. The only thing
that sounds better than
the engine is the radio.
The Russians have beaten us
into outer space.
You are listening to
the sound of Sputnik...
a satellite launched
this morning via rocket...
in orbit right now,
directly over our heads.
A sound that says...
all is not well
with America.
America doesn't own
Oh, the shark, babe
Has such teeth, dear
And it shows them
Pearly white
Just a jackknife
Has old Macheath, babe
And he keeps it
out of sight
when that shark bites
With his teeth, babe
Scarlet billows
Start to spread
Fancy gloves, oh
Wears old Macheath, babe
So there's never
Never a trace of red
Now on the sidewalk
uh-huh, uh-huh
Ooh, Sunday mornin'uh-huh
Lies a body
-Just oozin'life, eek
- About time. It's almost starting.
And someone's sneakin'
'Round the corner
Could that someone
Be Mack the Knife
Now did you hear
about Louie Miller
He disappeared, babe
After drawin'out
All his hard-earned cash
And now Macheath spends
Just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's
done somethin'rash
Ah, Jenny Diver
Hey, Suki Tawdry
Ooh, Miss Lotte Lenya
And old Lucy Brown
Oh, the line forms
On the right, babe
Now that Mackie's
Back in town
- How's this?
- Get this thing outta here.
- It's not my station.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Let's go.
- We're still hot on the right.
- Watch it! Watch it!
Oh, it's very exciting.
You know, my, my mother said--
Hey, hey, there they are.
Yeah, those are the questions.
Ah, he's got
the questions there.
Like walking on
the bottom of the sea...
as if I had drowned
- Five minutes, Mr Barry.
You ready, America?
- One minute.
- All right, move a little to your left.
- Hey, video...
- That's good.
- you done with the test patterns?
- Camera one.
- Okay, clear the floor, folks.
- Marty, you're still very hot.
- Light it up, lighting.
- Stand by.
- Pan to his opening shots, please.
seconds to air.
- Bobby, I'm gettin' a flare
on camera one.
Do you think you can adjust the
barn door on Jack's backlight?
- Yeah, if you can.
My light okay?
My nose doesn't look big?
- You look great,Jack.
- Last week I looked like a sundial.
-Jack, we're on countdown.
- Coming to air in ten...
- Stand by, timpani.
- nine, eight,
- Stand by, opening film.
- seven, six,
- Stand by, music.
Stand by, announcer.
five, four, three...
- Cue the timpani.
And fade up.
America's #
Geritol, the fast-acting,
high-potency tonic...
that helps you
feel stronger fast...
presents the exciting
quiz programme, Twenty-One.
Brought to you by NBC, the
National Broadcasting Company...
broadcasting nationally
coast to coast...
from New York
to Los Angeles...
from Seattle
to St Petersburg...
via a vast network of affiliates
crisscrossing the country.
Coming up next,
Twenty-One...
starring master of ceremonies
Jack Barry!
Two players racing to score
twenty-one points...
each in a soundproof television studio,
not knowing the other one's score...
- Damn it!
- riding on each point...
as they both play
Twenty-One!
And here's your host,
Jack Barry!
Good evening.
I'm Jack Barry.
Due to a series of ties,
Herbert Stempel, our
ex-G.I. college student...
must play at
a point...
which means that in a few brief
minutes, he can either win...
as much as $
money won on television to date...
or lose everything he's won
in the last eight weeks.
- You nervous?
- As our regular viewers already
know, our rules are similar...
- to the card game, Twenty-one.
- It's only money.
Isolated in their
soundproof studios...
neither player is aware
of the other's score.
I've been assured by our friends
at the Encyclopedia...
that they've concocted some real
brain-breakers this week...
so we'll find out in the next
minutes if the unstumpable...
Herbert Stempel
can be stumped.
Could I have
the questions, please?
Thank you, gentlemen. Remember, the
questions on Twenty-One are secured...
each week in a Manhattan bank vault
till just before show time.
So right now, let's meet Herbert
Stempel and his challenger...
as Geritol, America's #
presents Twenty-One.
Welcome back to the show,
gentlemen.
Mr Peloubet, a very cordial
welcome to you, sir.
How are you, Herb?
How's everything in Queens?
- Fine, Mr Barry.
- It's a nervous strain
on the family, I bet.
- How's your wife holding out?
- She's fine, thank you.
Thank you, Mr Barry, for asking.
As you know, Herb, the questions
are graded for difficulty by
the Encyclopedia Britannica.
I might add that my wife no
longer suffers from tired blood...
now that I've got her
on Geritol.
That's fine.
Graded on a scale from one--
I personally vouch that
it's a fine product.
I'm sure our sponsor will be
pleased to know that, Herb.
Now, to get on with the show--
I'd like to take this
opportunity to thank Geritol...
for giving a poor ex-G.I.
this amazing opportunity...
to realize his dream
of a college education.
Now there's a face
for radio.
Dick Peloubet back again from sunny
Miami, Florida, and Herb Stempel.
- This Stempel is giving me a headache.
- Well, he sells Geritol.
- Have you seen the ratings?
- Well, they've evened out.
- I don't think he works any more.
Stempel is an underdog. You know, people
root for that. It's a New York thing.
Queens is not New York.
Let's play Twenty-One.
Mr kintner's office,
Office of the president. Could you
hold, please? Mr kintner's office.
Once inside the isolation booth,
neither player can see the other,
nor can they hear anything
until I turn their studios on,
which I'm gonna do right now.
- All right, gentlemen.
- He's not hurting sales, is he?
- He just doesn't think he works.
Look, I don't know. I guess
the sponsor wants a guy on Twenty-One...
who looks like he could get
a table at Twenty One.
You just tell him I said
Stempel has an everyman quality.
You know that whole American dream
thing? You, too, can be rich?
- If the ratings stay high.
- Very funny.
I'm just passing it along,
Every schoolboy knows about the
midnight ride of Paul Revere.
For eleven points, how many lanterns
were hung in the Old North Church?
Who rode with Paul Revere? Who lent him
his horse? Was it a mare or a stallion?
And what was
the horse's name?
- Stand by,Joe, on Herbie.
- kill the air.
Tommy, air off.
A little tighter.
Tell him to put the sign up.
Control booth.
Uh, yeah. Hold on, sir.
Dan, it's for you.
It's kintner.
Would you mind, Mr Barry? Could
I take the third part last?
That's fine.
The code was, uh,
''One if by land, two if by sea. ''
Therefore, it would have to be
two lanterns in the Old North Church.
That's right. And, the
second part. Who rode with him?
- Dawes and Prescott.
- Dawes and Prescott.
What these books have
conclusively proven...
is that the difference between
men and women is exactly
- Can I quote you, Mark?
- Not before I quote me.
His own quotes
are his greatest pleasure.
Did you hear the market
points today?
- There's a rumour Eisenhower died.
- How would they tell?
Oh, please, don't get Dorothy started
on politics. There'll be a raid.
- Good night.
- Good night, Dorothy. Sorry I'm late.
It's impossible out there.
You can't get a cab without a dragnet.
- Eisenhower died.
Professor Van Doren,
I took your course at Columbia.
''Hawthorne, Original Sin
and the American Experience.''
- Nixon is President?
- Well, as silly as it sounds,
it changed my life.
Was it the Hawthorne
or the sin?
Perhaps you'd like to meet
my son, the unmarried Van Doren.
- Oh, where is Charlie?
- You're right again, Herb.
You've got the first two parts correct.
Just three more for
Excuse me.
Are you the son?
- I'm Charlie. Pleasure.
- Elizabeth. The pleasure's all mine.
It was a mare,
- How did he know that?
- That's correct.
Oh, there you are!
We're making our getaway,
Charlie, if you want a ride.
Have you ever watched one of
these, uh, quiz shows, Dad?
or, or Twenty-One?
I hope they ask you
the meaning of life.
Okay, Herb. Finally...
name the man who loaned
Paul Revere his horse...
for that fateful
midnight ride.
- Who loaned him the horse?
- Okay, Herb...
- I'm afraid I'm going to have
to ask for your answer.
- Yes, Mr Barry.
Look, just give him what he wants. I
don't want to talk to these agency guys.
So, what do you want
me to do, Mr kintner?
You're a producer, Dan.
-Would you like more time, Herb?
If I may, Mr Barry,
thank you.
Herbie's dead.
Deacon John Larkin?
That's correct
All right, Herb, take a deep
breath and relax, will ya?
And we'll get back to the game
after this word from our sponsor.
Now, friends, I was just wondering.
What kind of a day did you have today?
Did you greet the sunrise with plenty
of vim, vigour and vitality...
only to feel the wind go out
of your sails just after lunchtime?
Do you find you're not having
as much fun as you used to?
This beats the subway,
huh, Mr Stempel?
You said it!
- Hey, Dave!
- What do you say, Herbie?
What do you say, Herbie?
You were the greatest
tonight, Herbie!
- All right, Herbie!
- Yea, Herbie!
- Great, Einstein!
- Hey, the audience really loves you!
Herbie, you remember me when!
Herbie, I remember you when.
- Hi, Ellen.
- Hey, Herbie, what colour was she?
Ah, but you looked so good
on TV tonight, Herbie!
You should've gone for
on the movies, Herbie.
- You should win $
- Hey, you were really cookin'
tonight, Stempel.
- Of course I watched it.
- Didn't go to the show?
The genius is home.
The rich genius is home!
I watched it on television
like everybody else.
- Would you tell him that...
- You were great tonight, Herb.
- ev-everybody is watchin'that show?
- Come on. I wanna dance.
Dance with me.
Looking for the light
- Would you ask him for me,
please, right now?
- Of a new love
My mother wants to know why
you only went for eight on the movies.
Because my real expertise
is pain-in-the-ass in-laws, all right?
- Now, would you get off the phone?
- No, I'm not gonna start with it.
- Tell him that ev-everybody...
- No, it was nothin'.
- is watchin'that show.
Steve Allen is gettin' a busy signal
because my mother-in-law won't shut up.
- Look, Ma, I got--
- You're upset, and I don't
wanna have to deal with it.
- I gotta go. I gotta go.
- Would you call--
- All right, goodbye.
Call me before you go to bed,
that's all I'm saying.
What are you doin'?
My father paid good money
for this suit.
- He wore it to his own funeral.
- You make it sound like it was
the suit that killed him.
You wanna know why Enright
makes me wear that suit? Because
it makes me look like a schmuck.
- Yeah, well stop actin'
like a schmuck then.
- You don't get it, do you?
- Look at this face.
- I go out on the street,
and everybody knows me.
Me, Herb Stempel.
And they love me for the same
reason they used to hate me.
Because I'm the guy
who knows everything.
You should worship the ground I walk on,
what my family's done for you.
You wanna be worshipped?
Go to India and moo.
Without my family, you'd be
on that show in your underwear.
Things are gonna change
around here, boy.
What does that mean,
everything's gonna change?
You think I should get
my teeth capped?
- What's gonna change, Herbert?
- Everything's gonna change.
Hey, what the hell
were you thinkin'?
Toby, that box
is the biggest thing...
since Gutenberg
invented the printing press.
the biggest thing on it.
We don't need your mother
and her money any more.
Don't you wanna tell her
where to get off after
Now would you please
dance with me?
Dancing in the dark
Until the tune ends
We're dancing
in the dark
And it soon ends
We're waltzing
in a wonder
Of why we're here
Because of a disagreement
with his commanding general...
Ulysses S. Grant was virtually
placed under arrest for
a brief time early in
Who was the commanding general
of the Union Army at that time?
Oh, I know that. Uh, Halleck.
General H.W. Halleck.
That's correct.
Who was Sebastian Cabot...
- Hey, Terry.
- and what country
was he in the service of?
Uh, he was, uh,
an explorer from Spain.
That's correct.
Who founded the former hub...
- Terry, who's that guy in the corner?
- of the Byzantine Empire...
- of Constantinople?
- Constantine the First.
Charles Van Doren.
Charles Van Doren,
like Van Doren Van Doren?
- He wants to be on Tic-Tac-Dough?
- I guess so.
- Meriwether Lewis.
- That's it.
Who was the editor of
the socialist paper Avanti--
Oh, this is the guy.
This is the guy
I got the guy
I got the guy
I got the guy!
I got the guy.
So I turned
to astrophysics.
But of course, as you know,
all the great physicists
were great before the age of
It just wasn't
in the cards.
So, I went to Paris and wrote
my novel about a patricide.
- A boy who kills his father.
M-My dad liked it
quite a lot, actually...
although you could fill Yankee Stadium
with the world's mediocre novelists.
And your father
is Carl Van Doren.
My uncle. My father
is Mark Van Doren, the poet.
He also teach-- I-I mean, I also teach,
uh, at Columbia. Literature.
- Same as, uh, same as Dad.
- Oh, same as Dad, huh? That's nice.
Could I ask you
a personal question, Professor?
Actually, I'm not a professor yet.
I'm just an instructor.
- How much do they pay
instructors up at Columbia?
- Eighty-six dollars a week.
Do you have any idea
how much Bozo the Clown makes?
Well, w-we, we can't all be
Bozo the Clown.
No, no. Not to question
your choice of profession, not at all.
I'm questioning the values
of a society that pays somebody
like you-- What was it?
- Eighty-six dollars a week.
- Eighty-six dollars a week.
You plan on raising a family,
right, Professor?
- Yes, I hope to. Very much.
- Can you imagine raising
a family on $
Eighty-six dollars a week. And
meanwhile, look at the crisis
of education in this country.
Well, well, yes. I, I agree.
It's, it's a national problem.
So I understand you came down
to try out for Tic-Tac-Dough.
Well, my friends tell me I have
a good mind for this sort
of thing. They, they coaxed me.
How'd you like to be
on Twenty-One?
- Twenty-One?
- Dan produces both shows.
You're young, you're clean-cut,
you're from a prominent family.
kids would run to do their homework
to be like Charles Van Doren.
- What about, uh, Herbert Stempel?
- What about him?
- Herb? Oh, I lov-- I love him.
- We love Herb.
- But people don't like him.
kids don't look up to him.
Well, if you were a kid, would
you wanna be an annoying Jewish
guy with a sidewall haircut?
Well, I wanted to be
Joe DiMaggio.
Oh, yeah? Me, too. Especially
after he signed for the hundred grand.
Yeah, but Al-- But you see,
that's what this country needs,
is an intellectual Joe DiMaggio...
- with the women and the money
and all of it, but...
but from his brain, instead
of a bat and a ball. Well--
- No, I know. You're probably right. I--
Yeah, boy.
What are we gonna do here?
Well, I could take
a whack at it.
Uh, see the problem, Professor, is
the old college try ain't gonna do it.
And you've seen Stempel.
The guy's unbeatable.
Oh, I have to admit,
uh, Tic-Tac-Dough seemed more feasible.
What if we were to put you
on the show?
Put you on Twenty-One, and
ask you questions that you know.
Say the questions that he answered
correctly on the test this morning.
- I, I, I don't follow you.
-Just thinkin' out loud.
I, I thought the questions
were in a bank vault.
- In a way, they are.
- You wanna win, don't ya?
W-Well, I think I'd really
rather try to beat him honestly.
- What's dishonest?
- When Gregory Peck parachutes
behind enemy lines...
do you think
that's really Gregory Peck?
That book that Eisenhower wrote,
a ghost writer wrote it.
- Nobody cares.
- It's not like we'd be
giving you the answers.
Just 'cause we know you know,
you still know.
Right. It's not like you're
putting me on the show, or Al...
and pretending to be
some sort of intellectual.
I mean, you have put in
years of study and erudition.
I mean, I-- I-I'm just trying to imagine
what, uh, kant would make of this.
I don't think
he'd have a problem with it.
Think what this could mean
for the cause of education.
Forty million people
will watch you on Twenty-One.
It's not like anybody
has to know.Just us three.
It just doesn't seem right.
I'd, I'd have to say no.
Just an idea.
part of the test?
- So, we're okay.
- You're gonna give it a try.
Well, I-- I just want
to make sure it'll be...
you know, not the way
we discussed before.
- No, not at all.
- So pure, it floats.
Okay? So we'll see you
Monday night, then.
- You'll come by and see
how the show works.
- All right.
- Monday night.
- And we'll look forward to that.
- Nice meeting you.
- Goodbye.
- Take care.
- Bye, bye.
- Uh, reservations are for
Is that right?
- Thanks. All right.
- Hi,Jack.
- Hi,Jack.
- Who's that?
- That's Charles Van Doren.
- As in Van Doren Van Doren?
- Van Doren. Yes.
He wants to be on
Tic-Tac-Dough.
Uh, why would a guy like that
wanna be on a quiz show?
Uh, Richard Goodwin.
I'm an investigator.
An investigator! Richard Goodwin
with the Subcommittee
on Legislative Oversight.
I'm calling because the rate schedules
for the Baltimore and Ohio...
for the first four months
seem to be missing from
the documents you just sent me.
Oh, go get 'em, Dickie.
They're sweatin' now.
Do they know you were first
in your class at Harvard Law School?
Hey, don't talk to me like
I'm an idiot. I was first in
my class at Harvard Law School.
Here we go.
What've you got?
- Forty-three seconds
- Not bad.
- Railroad regulation.
- Now, that's, that's political
dynamite he's playin' with.
- So it's just an oversight.
- We're an oversight committee.
- We're an oversight committee.
Right. The end of next week.
That'll be just fine.
And I'll, I'll send you a little
helpful reminder, okay?
- You'll notice it 'cause it'll
look very much like a subpoena.
- Thank you.
- You know, Dick...
you stick with this, I don't
know, ten, fifteen years...
you could bring the Interstate
Commerce Commission to its knees.
'Course by then,
there may not be railroads.
- You'll still be sittin'
right there, too, Alex.
- He's so sensitive.
Herb, you've got ten points.
The category is explorers.
How many do you want
to try for?
- I'll try for
points, Mr Barry.
- Gonna go all the way, huh?
- All right.
I'm gonna name four spots
on the globe. You name the
explorer who discovered them.
First, Newfoundland.
-John Cabot.
- Let's see, I--
Hi. I see you're really
churnin' out the chapters today.
- Go away. No cigar in the bedroom.
- Uh, was it John Cabot?
- That's correct.
- The Cape of Good Hope.
No cigar in the bedroom.
We allow a television in the bedroom...
but no cigar
in the bedroom.
Bartolomeu Dias.
He originally called it--
- You're right, Herb.
- So today, chairman calls me aside.
My big break, right?
He asked me to write him a speech
to deliver to the kiwanis Club...
of Arkadelphia,
You're good at that.
Gee, do we get to go there?
Yeah. I'd just like to know
where the challenge is.
You know, I feel like a
racehorse whose gate won't open.
You didn't want
the Wall Street job.
Yeah, I know.
Well, money isn't everything.
- Correct.
- I'm not the one who came home
with the Chrysler catalogue.
Give me the name of the explorer
who discovered Mozambique.
- Vasco da Gama.
- Vasco da Gama.
- Maybe I should get on a quiz show.
I, I think it was a group
of explorers.
At least I could get
my own bedroom.
It's just a job, Dick.
It's not sex.
Vasco da Gama?
-Jack, wasn't Herb terrific today?
Wasn't he great?
- Can't you see I'm busy, Dan?
- Uh, oh, Herb...
I'd like you to meet next week's
challenger, Charles Van Doren.
I'm scared of you.
Boy, oh, boy, let me tell you.
Scared of me?
- More wine, Herb?
- Thank you, Dan. Why not?
You've earned it.
How's that steak?
Nothing like
a fine piece of meat.
You know, Herb, it's a hell of a thing.
I'm lookin' at the thing today.
- You know, the Trendex rating?
Well, it's the damndest thing,
but you've plateaued.
Plateaued? What--
Wh-What kind of word is that?
- What, plateaued?
- Plateaued.
Plateaued? Uh, it's well--
It's like, uh, you--
- Like you--
- You mean, people
don't like me any more?
No, no, no. It's not you
per se. It's just--
- Maybe I should get my teeth capped.
- No, it's the nature of the show.
They've already seen you win,
and they want something new.
So, what are you saying? Th--
You think they want me to lose?
Well, don't you think
that's natural?
Joe Louis was the champ for
Nobody ever wanted Joe Louis to lose.
- Think about the cause of education.
- The cause of education?
years for this.
Now I'm supposed to take a dive
for the cause of education?
I didn't say ''take a dive.''
Now, I'm askin' you for your help.
Fine.Just let me
play it honestly.
- And will you please
keep your voice down?
- Give me a number.
Go, ahead, give me a number.
Give me a number.
- Excuse me, sir. Give me
a number, a, a random number.
- I don't know. Twenty-three?
Beethoven was
composed his first piano sonata.
Jack Bentley set the record
for average by a pitcher, batting .
- There are
chromosomes
in the human egg.
- Herb, I want--
Also the human sperm. Twenty-third
President: Benjamin Harrison.
- Asian countries along
rd parallel--
- Look, don't start believing
your own bullshit, all right?
You wouldn't know the name
of Paul Revere's horse
if he took a crap on your lawn.
-It was a mare, remember?
-Look, you lose when I tell you to lose.
- But why now?
- It's an arrangement.
It's always been an arrangement.
If you told me to lose before,
if you told me to lose
right from the beginning...
that I'd understand, then
that'd be the story of my life.
- But why now? What did I do?
- Look at the big picture.
It's not like television
is gonna go away, you know?
I mean, think about the future.
like a panel show?
Yeah. Check. Look,
I'm gonna do what I can do, Herb.
But meanwhile, maybe you
could use somebody to talk to.
I'm gonna give you the name
of my analyst.Just send me the bills.
You know, I could be terrific
on one of those panel shows.
Witty, off-the-cuff.
A Bill Cullen sort of thing, you know.
Now the last category is movies.
We're gonna ask you...
what won the Academy Award
for Best Picture in
You don't know it.
You answer On the Waterfront.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Don't, don't do that.
Not Marty.
I saw Marty three times.
The Best Picture from two years
ago, and I don't know it?
Someone of your intellect,
and it's such a simple question.
- Don't you see the drama of that?
Herb, don't do this
to yourself.
Please, let me lose on a physics
question, not Marty, Dan.
Don't do this to me.
It's too humiliating.
grand, Herb,
you can afford to be humiliated.
- Who was the captain of the Mayflower?
- Christopher Jones.
- What year?
...the champ,
And we'll return to Mr Moto
after this.
Will Herbert Stempel become the first
man to win over $
on television?
No, Herbert Stempel is not
going to win over $
Herbert Stempel
is going to take a dive.
Dad, the quiz is tomorrow.
If you're gonna talk to the TV--
All right, big shot. So who bought
Manhattan Island from the Indians?
- Peter Minuit.
- What year?
- How much?
- Twenty-four dollars.
This week on Twenty-One!
Now, back to our programme.
This week on Twenty-One, watch Herb
Stempel be fed to the Columbia lions.
Watch Charles Van Doren eat
his first kosher meal on Twenty-One!
What are you doing?
Why aren't you dressed?
The child has to learn. The
child has to learn the depths
that humanity can sink to.
Tribes of the Iroquois League:
Mohawks...
- Twenty-four bucks for Manhattan.
- Cayugas, Oneidas...
- First the Indians, then us.
- What's eatin' you?
- Senecas...
- You know why they call them Indians?
- Mohawks...
- Because Columbus thought
he was in India.
-They're Indians because some
white guy got lost, that's why.
You're gonna give him your ulcer.
Let him grow up with his own ulcer.
He wouldn't let me practise
What won the Best Picture
- Thank you.
- Well, what's the problem?
- Lester, do me a favour.
Go in your own bedroom
and do your homework, all right?
With your books.
with your books.
They want me
to take a dive.
They're going to ask me what won
the Best Picture for
and I have to answer
On the Waterfront.
They have to utz me with
a question any child knows.
How, how can they do that? I thought
the questions were in a bank vault.
They just put me in an isolation
booth and pump cyanide into it.
Herbie, they can't do that.
How can they do that?
Well, obviously, Toby, this particular
question isn't in the bank vault.
- How the hell do I know why?
Well then, the hell with them.
Just answer Marty, then.
- I already agreed.
- Well, screw them.
Let them ask you a question
you really don't know. Ha, good luck!
You're Herbert Stempel. What are
they gonna do to you? Huh?
-You're right. What could they do to me?
- Screw 'em!
Remember, call him Jack
as often as possible.
- Fifteen seconds to channel.
Good evening.
I'm Jack Barry.
- Good evening. I'm Jack Barry.
Good evening.
I'm Jack Barry.
- Coming to air in...
- Hello. Watch your headroom. Time.
- I'm Jack Barry.
- eight, seven, six...
- Steady, one.
- five, four...
- Good evening. I'm Jack Barry.
- three, two, one.
- Fade up and cue him.
Good evening.
I'm Jack Barry.
So, let's meet our
first two players as Geritol...
America's #
presents Twenty-One.
From New York City,
Mr Charles Van Doren.
-And returning with $
from Queens, New York...
- Van Doren?
- Mr Herbert Stempel.
- Think that's his son?
Are you related in any way
to Mark Van Doren...
- I don't know. I guess so.
- over at Columbia University,
the famous poet and author?
- Yes, he's my father.
- He is your father.
Yes. Both he and my Uncle Carl
have won the Pulitzer Prize...
and Dorothy Van Doren, the author of the
recent The Country Wife, is my mother.
-Okay, Herb, you know something
about Mr Van Doren.
-Joey, punch the audio a little.
You have $
Do you want to take it
and quit while you're ahead...
or risk it
by playing against him.
It's a tough decision,
- What'll it be?
- I'll, I'll take a chance.
You will take a chance!
All right, then.
- Here we go, gentlemen.
- You sure Herbie's on board with this?
Could I take
the third part last?
I guess, I guess that Atahualpa
was the leader of the Incas
at the time of the conquest.
- Correct.
- Wouldn't that be William Allen White?
- That is correct.
- I'd like to take the third part last.
His fourth wife
was Anne of Cleves.
- He divorced Catherine of Aragon.
- Uh, he divorced her.
- He beheaded Anne Boleyn.
- Well, they all died.
Herb Stempel leads at this point
- Yes, Mr Barry.
The category is movies. How many
points do you want to try for?
I'll try for three.
Three points.
Which motion picture
won the Academy Award for
Best Picture.
- Best Pic--
He doesn't know it?
All right, Herb. I'll tell you
when your time is up.
I don't re-remember.
I don't remember.
Are you sure you wouldn't want
to guess at it, Herb?
- Otherwise, I'll have to call it wrong.
Your time is up, Herb.
I'll need your answer.
Best Picture...
On the Waterfront?
No. I'm sorry.
The answer is Marty.
I don't believe it!
Marty. It was Marty
that won the Academy Award...
for Best Picture
- Marty was Ernest Borgnine.
- Geez, what an easy question.
Academy Award for
You lose three points.
You go back to
Better luck on the next round.
And now for you, Professor.
The category is...
the Civil War.
How many points do you want
to try for from one to eleven?
Civil War. That's a,
that's an awful big subject.
Well, here goes nothing.
I'll, I'll try for eleven.
Eleven points will bring you to
and you will be our new champion!
Because of a disagreement
with his commanding general...
Ulysses S. Grant was virtually
placed under arrest
for a brief time early in
Who was the commanding general
of the Union Army at that time?
Tough question.
so oddly familiar.
Would you like
some more time?
- Whatever you can spare.
-All right.
Do you know the name?
Yes, I know his name.
Halleck. General H. W. Halleck.
You are our new champion
Well, come on out, Herb.
Come on out, Professor.
Wasn't that something,
folks? Huh?
You feelin' all right?
Very good. Perhaps we can get an ice,
an ice pack out here for the Professor.
- I suspect his grey matter is red-hot.
- I wonder if he's married.
Our congratulations for a wonderful
victory. Professor Charles Van Doren.
You know, I'm constantly amazed
at the facts these guys have
at their fingertips.
- Tough questions tonight.
- Uh, yeah. Oh, well, not really.
- Wow, you were fantastic.
- Oh, yeah?
- Hey, you, you better unlist
your phone number.
- Can you believe the pressure?
- Look at him. He's soaking wet.
- Is this guy a natural or what?
-He's a natural.
-Do you think he's involved with anyone?
- This guy is a racehorse.
- I don't know.
- I'm gonna miss ya, Herb.
You know, I'm really
gonna miss this guy.
- Hey, Dan, listen.
- That guy is really terrific.
- We could easily beat out I Love Lucy
with no problem at all.
- I know we can.
- Let's get a photo here.
Oh, George, here we go.
- Step in here.
- Charles Van Doren, Miles Bronfman.
- Hold it!
- An executive here at the network.
- Oh, there we go.
- So what do you think, Charlie?
You excited?
- Professor, can I interrupt you?
- Charlie, I just wanna--
- My son was in your father's class.
- Oh, really?
- He says he's a saint.
- Charlie, I want you to meet...
- Bill Henderson.
He pr-promotes the show.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Sensational.Just sensational.
Now we have a clean-cut intellectual
instead of a freak with a sponge memory.
- See you next week, Charlie.
Oh, I don't even want to think
about that. I was just so nervous.
''So pure, it floats,'' hmm?
Are you kidding?
It was great!
Go home and have a martini.
We'll talk in the morning.
I, I'm gonna take
the stairs.
- How did you know he'd go for it?
- What would you do?
Meanwhile, it's okay if you know
the answer. Yeah, so it's--
My God, it's not like I haven't
worked hard. I deserve $
as much as anybody.
The highest navigable lake
in the world is...
- Lake Titicaca.
- Lake Titicaca.
That would have to be
Lake Titicaca.
Correct for ten points!
Michel Montaigne.
Around his neck...
Montaigne wore a medallion
which read: ''What do I know?''
- Hello, this is Herb Stempel
calling for Mr Enright.
- I, I'm terribly sorry. He's not in.
Our current reigning champion
from New York, New York...
- Hey, Professor! Professor!
- Mr Charles Van Doren.
...twenty-four hours,
Geritol liquid, or now, in new--
It's the only town house
available in the Village.
Yeah, I'll take it.
Will do. It's just that he is out of
the office right now. I have no idea--
This is, this is Herb Stempel.
This is about the
th time I've called.
- I'll guess William Pitt the Elder.
- You have
Come to me, Charlie. Good.
Smile. Hold the bag right there.
Hold it right there. Good.
Here, Professor Van Doren turns in
the evidence of his amazing popularity.:
thousands of letters a week
for the egghead turned national hero.
Winnings to date.:
Hey, Charlie,
the check's in the mail!
- Is Mr Enright in?
- I-I'm sorry, he's not right now.
Well, this is Herb Stempel.
You tell him that he promised
that he would call me back.
And if he doesn't, something is going
to happen. Do you understand that?
- I understand perfectly.
- That's right. Okay. Bye.
You just tell Mr Enright
that if he doesn't want to talk to me...
maybe the district attorney
would like to talk to me.
- If he wants to play hardball,
I'll play hardball.
- Very well.
- Good morning, Mr Van Doren.
And returning
our champion after seven weeks,
Charles Van Doren.
- Welcome to Twenty-One, gentlemen.
- Good evening, Jack.
Clear the--
Clear the street.
It was a totally
humiliating experience for me.
All my friends knew that I loved Marty.
It's one of my favourite films.
I, I, I saw it three times.
It's about a boy in the Bronx--
Mr Enright
will see you now.
Have a seat, Herb.
Thanks for comin' up. I feel
we have some unfinished business
we need to hash out.
I have some unfinished business
with you, too.
This whole thing with the grand jury and
the things you said, well, they hurt me.
I can't tell you how--
Well, they hurt me deeply.
- I told the truth.
- There you go again.
You promised me, Dan. Y-You
promised that you'd help me out.
Don't you think that I wanna help you
more than I already have?
But the point is,
you've made it impossible.
- Look, you want me to, uh...
- I want you...
- apologize?
- to sign this statement.
- I apologize.
What kind of statement?
It clears me and the show
of any wrongdoing.
- What about the panel show?
- See? That's a perfect example.
I told you I'd do what I could,
and I did. I put your name on a list.
You put me on a list?
That's it?
NBC owns our company.
Everything goes through them.
NBC bought your company for two
million bucks! What about me?
People, people watched me on that show.
Look. Look. Look at this.
- Oh, Herb, don't start--
- ''He has become a friend
million homes...
whose weekly visits the whole
family eagerly anticipates.''
I was a friend, too,
million homes.
Look, what can I tell you, Herb?
Life is unfair.
Life is unfair to me. Life's not
unfair to Charles Van Doren.
- Remember how he snubbed me
after the show?
- There'll be other shows.
What other shows?
I need the money, Dan.
Wha-- What?
How could you need the money?
It's gone. I mean, it's invested.
It's tied up. I just--
- Well, can't you talk to your broker?
- He's not a broker.
He's more of a bookmaker.
It's seed money.
He's setting up in Florida right now.
He says it's the next growth area.
You gave your money to a bookie
who skipped town?
I, I want what I have coming, Dan.
I have to get back on television.
- Herb, I'm gonna-- I'm--
- Show me this list. Where's this list?
I submitted a list of
names. They
rejected three. You were one of them.
That big uncircumcised putz is
on the cover of Time magazine...
and I can't even make the top
for a panel show? Well--
Look, maybe, maybe, I-- Maybe, you could
warm up the audience before the show.
I c-- I could throw you
bucks a week.
bucks a week?
That should be me on the cover of Time!
- Shit, Herb!Just sign this statement.
- Charles Van Doren!
He wouldn't know the answer to a
doorbell if you didn't give it to him.
Sign this statement,
and get on with your life!
Sign the statement, Herb. Sign
the statement. Who cares if it's true?
- I'm giving you a chance.
- You promised me!
You get me that panel show,
or I'm gonna bring you down
with me, ya lousy, lyin' prick!
- You and Charles Van fuckin' Doren.
- No, you're not.
I'll just tell everyone that
it's a fraud. That'll warm 'em up.
The fix is in this week
on Twenty-One!
- When's my next appointment?
- The cover of Time?
His mug shot will be
on the cover of Time!
What the hell happened?
- Why am I the only one
working this morning?
- What have you got over there, Mooie?
''Demonstrators stoned
Vice President Nixon's...
motorcade as it proceeded
through Caracas.''
Gee, Dick, what's the
New York Times say? Same thing?
- Generally.
- Most people who live in Washington...
- settle for the Washington papers.
- Yeah, well, the Times
is the paper of record.
Dick hopes someday to be confused
with an important person.
''Although the crowd was cordoned off
at a distance of a hundred yards...
an unidentified Venezuelan struck Nixon
in the head with a thrown onion.''
- The Senators should sign this guy.
Did you guys know there was a grand jury
in New York on the quiz shows?
Jim Lemon can't even hit
the cutoff man. This guy throws
-foot strike with an onion.
- Have they come up with anything?
- They sealed the presentment.
- That's a no.
- Uh, why do you say that?
A presentment's
a statement of findings.
If there were anything in it, they'd
want to release it to the public, right?
If the purpose is to make findings
public, then why keep it a secret?
Why seal the presentment?
It's illogical.
- It's a local matter.
- It's television.
- Whoa! TV.
- It's under our jurisdiction, right?
I mean, we have oversight over
all the agencies. It includes the FCC.
You're gonna investigate
a dead investigation?
We're gonna put television
on trial. Television!
Everybody in the country'll
know about it.
- What do you have?
- There's somethin' there.
Mr Chairman,
I'll find it.
The networks?
The pharmaceutical industry?
Cosmetics?
That's big game, son. You don't
go huntin' in your underwear.
Sir, I smell somethin'. At least give me
a chance to see what I can dig up.
Let me go up to New York.
This isn't some junket
for you to stay in a hotel and
see a Broadway show, you know.
I'm givin' you exactly one week
to find something. You got that?
Unseal a presentment.
I don't know.
I don't know how you
go about that. I've never--
Oh, here you go.
Look at this.
Hasn't been a presentment under seal
in the state of New York since
- That explains it.
Counsellor, I've reviewed in detail
the material submitted in your request.
A man's reputation
is coin of the realm to him.
I sealed this presentment
to protect the reputations
of those unfairly implicated...
by a certain mentally
unstable finger pointer.
That interest, along with
important issues of federalism...
dictate that I reject
your committee's request at this time.
Mr Enright's office.
Mr Enright?
It's Judge Schweitzer.
- Hi. Mrs Mitchell?
- My name is Richard Goodwin.
I'm with the Congressional Subcommittee
on Legislative Oversight.
Uh, we've been investigating
the quiz shows recently, and--
- Um, I was wondering if I could
ask you a quick question.
- Oh, I've got people.
- Could I just have
a moment of your time?
I was, uh, curious how many
episodes you, you appeared on.
- Not very many. No.
- How many?
- Three weeks.
Did anyone ever ask you
not to talk to anyone?
The Today Show
with Dave Garroway...
and Dave's regular co-host,
Mr J. Fred Muggs.
Dave's guests this morning are:
the Aga khan...
Lyle Goodhue, inventor
of the aerosol spray can...
and quiz champion
Charles Van Doren.
Take a look at that.
Look at that. See that?
Yes. Uh-huh.
Well, you have that conversation
and I'm gonna begin the show.
I'll see you, Mr Muggs.
Good morning.
- And good morning, Charlie.
- Good morning, Dave.
- How are you this morning?
- I'm fine, thank you.
I see we have a, uh, an unusually
large crowd outside there this morning.
- So, how long has it been now, Charlie?
- It's been nine weeks now.
- And you've won how much?
- Hmm. So that's, uh, $
- That's right.
Although last week, I know you
were preempted for another programme.
Well, that's the problem
with television. The pay's good,
but it's not that steady.
Don't remind me.
I'm up for renewal.
So tell us about the book
you're working on.
Well, it's called
Lincoln's Commando...
and I hope people will find it
as interesting as I do.
How do you think Honest Abe
would do on a quiz show?
- Honest Abe?
Well, I-I think he'd do very well.
And, of course...
on a show like this, he'd be,
he'd be wonderful.
I'm sure he would.
- Here we are, Professor.
- Yeah, I-I'm just--
I just have to tie
- Hi, Mr Van Doren.
- Hey, Mr Van Doren!
- Good morning, Mr Van Doren.
- Good morning.
- Hello, Mr Van Doren.
- Professor, where's the monkey?
- We saw you on TV this morning.
- You did?
- Can I have your autograph?
- Is Thomas Merton
Episcopalian or Catholic?
Hello. Are you here
for office hours?
I-I'm Richard Goodwin.
- Uh, did Clark Byse call?
- Clark Byse? N-No, he didn't.
See, I'm up from Washington.
He suggested I-I might look you up.
- You're not a stockbroker, are you?
- A lawyer, which is bad enough.
- Professor Byse taught me Contracts.
- Oh, well, then we have
something in common.
- He taught me my backhand.
- I'm with the House Subcommittee
on Legislative Oversight.
I've been swarmed by
stockbrokers lately. I feel like
a girl with a bad reputation.
The Committee has, uh,
jurisdiction over television.
I'm sorry.
Please, um, have a seat.
Thank you.
You must've done very well at Harvard.
Clark doesn't like anyone.
Yeah, I was, uh, actually
first in my class.
Well, you make it sound
like an affliction.
- Well, one doesn't like--
- Did you clerk?
- Uh, Frankfurter.
- Oh, really? Hmm.
- It's nothing.
Uh, I'll tell you, uh, what I
love is what you do: literature.
Well, hell, if I was first
in my class, I'd get a tattoo.
So what brings you to New York,
Dick? Uh, literature?
Let me ask ya. Did you ever notice
anything out of the ordinary...
about the quiz show
you're on?
- Anything suspect? Anything at all?
You mean, besides its,
uh, popularity?
Well, what I'm hoping is that
you might be able to give me
some kind of road map here.
-I feel like we speak the same language.
-Well, of course.
Anything I can do to help.
- Oh, um, Mr Van Doren.
- Yes? Yes, yes, yes.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Um, I'm in your
class on the Romantics, and--
- Of course you are.
I, I-- Actually, I'm auditing it because
you've been on television. Do you--
- Should I come back later?
- Oh, um-- If you don't mind--
- Well, I'll come back.
- I'll tell you what, Dick.
- It's all right.
- Why don't you meet me tomorrow?
I'll take you to lunch
at the Athenaeum.
- I'm sorry. The Athenaeum Club
at Forty-third and Fifth?
- Say, uh, tomorrow at noon?
- Lunch at the Athenaeum.
- At noon.
- Great. See you then.
I wanted to talk to you
about Ode On a Grecian Urn.
truth, beauty.
That is all ye know on earth
and all ye need to know.''
-Does he really mean that
about beauty and truth?
-Why a foster child? I don't understand.
Congress investigates
communists.
Congress investigates mobsters.
That is not me!
Yeah, well, look on the bright side.
You'll be on national television.
- That's a joke, Charlie.
- Well, that's not funny.
- Charles Van Doren!
-It's just not funny.
-H-Hey! Charles Van Doren! How ya doin'?
- I'm worried about this.
- Yeah, well, look, I alred--
Wh-Who was that?
That's just, just,
just some guy.
Well, look, I already know about
this guy Goodwin, and I'm on top of it.
-So trust me.
-You callin' Information?
-Well, you don't-- You don't understand.
- What are you dialin' for?
For Information?
- They have a name!
Charles Van Doren, he's
dialin' for, for Information.
Hey, Chuck, what do you do?
Chuckie! Answer this question.
- Answer this question.
- I-I-I'm sorry. I gotta go. I gotta go.
- What street do I live on
in Brooklyn, huh?
- Did you tell him anything?
- No, no, no, I didn't--
- Charles, come out of there.
Come out. You got fans here.
- I, I gotta go.
- We wanna talk to you!
- I gotta go! I gotta go!
- Come on. Let's go.
Hey, Chuck, how ya doin'?
How ya holdin' up? All right?
Hey, can I get an autograph for my wife?
Give me an autograph for my wife!
Come on, Charles, don't be a snob.
Give me an autograph for my wife.
So Sandra says what's ever
on her mind.
- And you've been married how long?
- Five years. You?
I'm supposed to be fixed up
with this girl on the cover of
the new Harper's Bazaar, but--
- Well, you know how that is.
- Waldorf salad for you, Mr Van Doren.
- Oh, thank you.
- And a Reuben sandwich.
- Thank you.
What do you know about this grand jury
investigation, Charlie?
Oh, I remember Dan mentioned
something about this...
that it was all some,
some wild-goose chase.
Uh, a political thing.
They talk so fast in that business that
half of it goes right past me.
- En-Enright.
He's really the one
to talk to.
- You know if he testified?
- Uh, uh, more water!
Uh, you can reach him at NBC.
Dan Enright.
So, how long have you been
with this committee, Dick?
- Six months.
Seemed like a good way
to postpone the inevitable.
Postpone the inevitable?
Uh, is there a spot for me?
- I mean Wall Street.
So, back to this, uh,
grand jury business.
- I'm wondering.
Excuse me, Frank.
This is a surprise.
How are you, son? We share an office,
and I never see you any more.
Oh, I'm there, Dad. I'm just
hiding behind your reputation.
No, I'm serious!
We all miss you at home.
Please join us. Dad, this is Dick
Goodwin. He's up from Washington.
- Narrow escape.
- Dad doesn't like Washington.
A swamp that traded
malaria for politics.
- What's the special?
- It's the Reuben.
The Reuben sandwich is the only
entirely invented sandwich.
Won the National Sandwich
Contest two years ago.
A salient point.
Who invented it?
Uh, Reuben kay,
at a poker game in Omaha.
I knew there was a ''k''
in Nebraska.
U-Unfortunately they have the
sandwich here, but, uh, they
don't seem to have any Reubens.
- Dick's a protege of Clark Byse.
I just finished a, a clerkship
with Justice Frankfurter.
Of course you did. Frankfurter
collects brains the way
other people collect stamps.
Uh, did you happen to see
the show Monday, Dad?
Monday! Uh, we were
with Bunny Wilson.
Oh, no, it's nothing.Just there was
a question about Hawthorne.
Oh, well, you know how it is
with Bunny once he gets going.
So, Dick, Charlie invite you
to his poker game yet?
He's a hell of a poker player.
We have-- We have a regular
game Thursday nights, just some
friends I went to school with.
- You're welcome to come over next week.
- Are you a gambler, Dick?
I-I don't know if I'm a gambler.
I know which end of an ace is up.
Well, Dick, if you look around the table
and you can't tell who the sucker is...
Yeah, Dan Enright, please.
Uh, Dick Goodwin.
Uh, no. Actually,
I'll just call back. Thanks.
''Name the three heavyweight champions
who preceded Joe Lewis.''
- Oh, I know that! Uh,Jim Braddock...
Max Baer...
- Damn. No.
- Primo Carnera.
- Primo Carnera. Of course.
- Yeah, good ol' Primo. I was
there that night at the Garden.
- Oh, really?
- The night Baer beat him. Yeah.
Hey, the big guinea. Twelve
times Baer knocked him down.
Al, I've been thinking. Maybe you
shouldn't give me the answers any more.
Now, what do you want
to do that for, Professor?
Charlie, you're doin'
the right thing, really.
- Everybody's makin' money.
- Well, what if you just
gave me the questions...
and I could look up
the answers on my own?
I mean, don't you think that'd be--
Well, be less egregious?
Only in the balcony.
You know about that.
All right, now,
your consequence--
Doesn't want the answers any more.
Just wants the questions.
- Who? The Great White Hope.
That's right.
Now, the consequence is behind--
Dan, what the hell
is ''egregious''?
He just wants
the questions?
- Uh, excuse me. Uh, Mr Noland?
My name is Richard Goodwin.
I'm with the Congressional
Subcommittee on Legislative Ov--
No, no, I don't wanna say
anything. No, can't help you.
I told them everything I had to say.
Everything I knew, I told them.
- Mr Stempel. My name is Dick Goodwin.
I'm an investigator with the
Subcommittee on Legislative Oversight...
- of the United States Congress.
- Did you recently testify
before a grand jury?
Well, if you have a minute,
I'd really like to talk to you about it.
Gee, fi-finally. I, I knew
it was just a matter of time.
- Didn't you go to City College?
- Uh, Harvard.
Oh, this is, this is my
wife Toby. This is Mr Goodwin.
He's an investigator
from the United States Congress.
W-Would you like a cup of coffee, Mr--
Uh, I, I already got the pot on.
I tell you,
that sounds great, actually.
And bring some rugulach
if there are any left.
I love my wife, but it's like
livin' with a plague of locusts.
If Charles Van Doren told 'em
what I told 'em...
do you think this whole grand
jury thing would be squashed?
- Quashed. It's not ''squashed.''
- Not in a million years. Quashed, okay?
- What exactly did you tell
the grand jury?
- Have one.
- Uh, no, thanks.
- Lester, would you knock it off
for ten minutes?
Come on, they're a Jewish
delicacy. Before Toby eats it.
- I'm retainin' water
for your information.
- You and the Grand Coulee Dam.
Come on, you don't know
what you're missing.
I'm quite familiar
with rugulach, thank you.
H-How'd a guy like you
get into Harvard?
- Capped teeth.
Herb, what exactly
did you tell the grand jury?
No, you can't ask me that.
It's, it's, it's sealed. It's illegal.
just between us.
They made me take a dive.
Marty. They made me lose
on Marty just to humiliate me.
- Who made you take a dive?
- Dan Enright.
He told me I had plateaued,
that the ratings had plateaued.
- A sinking ship and the rats stayed.
- Do you think in a million
years I wouldn't know Marty?
And meanwhile, Charles Van Moron
would be on the show
weeks in a row?
Why, I-I don't understand.
H-How could they make you take a dive?
- Why didn't you just answer
Marty if you knew it?
What? And throw away
his future in television?
- Would you please go inside
and tell Gene krupa to take five?
- Lester. Lester!
You're so naive. It's a fix.
It's all-- It's all a fix. A setup.
I made a study of it. They always
follow a Jew with a Gentile.
And the Gentile wins more money.
What is that, a coincidence?
Herb, you're saying this whole
grand jury thing was because of you.
You know what you have to do?
You have to nail Van Doren.
- Are you gonna nail Van Doren?
- Look, first of all,
I'm not here to nail anyone, okay?
- This isn't McCarthyism.
- Listen, think about what
McCarthyism did for McCarthy.
Let me ask you something.
Do you have any corroborative
evidence to what you're saying?
Listen to me. Don't make necessarily the
mistakes that I might have made in life.
Think about your career. You nail
Van Doren, it'll be bigger than Sputnik.
It'll be like a big, blond
Sputnik crashing right down
on his, whew, friggin' head.
Charlie? Hi.
Dick Goodwin.
Uh, I hope you don't mind.
The English Department gave me
your number up in Connecticut.
Yeah. Look, um, I-I met
with Herbert Stempel yesterday.
And, uh, he told me a couple
of things. I'm kinda curious--
Sure. Well,
what train was that?
Yeah, just, ho-hold on.
I got a pen right here.
Grand Central Station.
Housatonic.
Cornwall, Connecticut.
I will, uh-- I will, uh--
I'll get right on the way.
- Dick, I'm glad you could make it.
- Charlie.
That's some
snappy-looking Mercedes.
Come around the back.
We're just about to eat.
- What is that, a
- Yes. My father's birthday,
so I bought myself a car.
- It's only got
miles on it.
- The show's treating you well,
huh? It's good lookin'.
Dorothy, your tomato salad
is fabulous!
- What's your secret?
Now look at Thomas. Thomas
is aerodynamically designed
to go directly to heaven.
- And who are you?
- Dick Goodwin.
- I'm a friend of Charlie's.
- You sound like you're from Boston.
- Brookline, actually.
The wrong girl for me.
- You know I didn't.
- Oh, yes, you did.
- We have the horseradish
growing in the garden.
- Well, that's good.
- So, how long have you been married?
- Twenty years.
- Auntie Rita had an affair
with Wendell Willkie.
''Now see summer bloom upon this lea.
Three score rings around this tree.
O now bare.
O now sere.
Consoled only
that I am planted here.''
You certainly are.
- ''Roots thick...
- And old.
- and deep...
- And doddering.
- assuage my woes--''
- A termite nibbles at my toes.
- Et tu, Bunny?
- Charlie, is Jack Barry single?
- I think so.
Well, my roommate has a huge crush
on him. She wants you to introduce her.
- What's Dave Garroway like?
- Wasn't I talking?
- You were, yes. Talking
and talking and talking.
Charlie's famous,
like Elvis Presley.
I've become like Leopold of Belgium,
usurped by his son before his time.
I suppose that makes me
king Baudouin.
No. Next birthday,
you all get a dirty limerick.
I certainly hope so!
So, how's it feel,
Well, I can't even eat dinner
in a restaurant any more.
And people follow me inside to discover
what kind of brain food I eat.
In my day, it was flagpole-sitting
and swallowing goldfish.
- Last week alone, I had
proposals of marriage.
- Perhaps you should accept one of them.
To think that they unleash you
on those impressionable young minds.
Well, why not? He's
years old.Jesus
Christ had a girlfriend at
years old.
- Look how that turned out.
- And he shared an office
with his father.
- I'm sure they're all very nice girls.
- In that case, perhaps
I should appear on a quiz show.
Oh, the money, meanwhile,
no one knows what to do with it...
though every stockbroker
in New York seems eager to try.
Why don't you just put it
in the bank? What I've
always done with my prize money.
No, it's just-- You don't
understand, Dad. It's, uh--
There are all sorts
of tax implications.
You think I can't understand
the concept of taxes?
- At this level,
it's a bit more complicated.
- And at my level?
I never thought of myself
having a level, Charlie.
What level might that be?
I mean, it's not as if the money
fell into my lap. I worked for it.
- W-Work? Ah, ho, ho, ho.
- Millions of people
watch the game shows, Dad.
Then I suppose we've become
a nation of proctors.
- Help me out here, Harvard.
Uh, claim victory
and depart the field.
- 'Course we don't have a television.
- Why on earth would we need
a television?
How much money is it again?
Wha-- What?
- They don't have a television.
- You haven't seen the show?
We were supposed to watch it
the other night at Thurber's--
Even Thurber has a television,
and he's blind.
What? How, how much is
it now, Charlie?
- I never!
- She heard that all right.
''Some rise by sin
and some by virtue fall.''
Measure For Measure.
''To do a great right,
do a little wrong.''
- Merchant of Venice.
- It's this game our family plays.
''Oh, what men dare do!
What men may do!
What men daily do,
not knowing what they do.''
Much Ado About Nothing.
''Things without remedy
what's done is done.''
''Things without all remedy.''
''How ill white hairs
become a fool and jester.''
- Now, Professor, open your presents.
- Well, what have we here?
- Aftershave.
- He's opening it now.
Oh, oh, my God! How swell!
I guess I'm surrounded.
Thank you, Charlie.
I-I thought
you might like it, Dad.
- Do you remember Herbert Stempel?
- Remember him? I still
can't believe I beat him.
Stempel tells me
that Dan Enright...
made him take a dive
from the show.
- He tells me that Dan Enright
made him take a dive.
- That's ridiculous.
A little odd, though, don't you think?
I mean, losing on such an easy question?
You know, frankly, Dick,
if Stempel can just run around...
and smear a man like Dan Enright
to the United States Congress--
No, nobody's smearing anybody. I'm just
trying to figure out the truth here.
Uh, could you just untie
the bowline there and just shove us off?
All right.
Dick, could you raise the jib
for us, please?
- What's the jib?
- It's the-- Yeah.
Do you remember what it was like
for guys like us when we were in school?
When being smart
was like being cross-eyed?
But you should see the letters I get.
kids are excited about...
about books and learning
and general knowledge.
Dan Enright had a,
had a lot to do with that.
Yeah, but don't you think
he wanted you to win?
I mean, if, if you look at
the ratings, they're staggering.
Well, what did he say,
''they made him take a dive''?
- Well, how did they make him
take a dive, anyway?
He didn't want to jeopardize any future
he might have in television.
Yeah, well--
Anyway, how many people did you say
testified in front of the grand jury?
What's your point?
Well, if what you're saying
is true, then everybody lied.
- Hi. Al Freedman.
- Hi, I'm Dan.
- How are you doin'?
- Good to see you.
- I'm sorry for the delay. Come on in.
- We're very busy today. Have a seat.
- Would you like a
cup of coffee or, uh...
- Anything?
- a soft drink?
- I'm fine, thanks.
- Are you sure?
- We're very well-stocked up here.
- Nothing?
- I'm fine!
- No trouble.
So, I understand you've spoken
to Charles Van Doren.
- And Herbert Stempel.
- Oh, I was afraid of that.
He says, and I quote, that
he was made to ''take a dive.''
Oh, believe me, I'm quite familiar
with Herb's allegations.
You know, I think
I could recite them by rote.
Forty-six witnesses swore up and down
Herbie's a lying tub of shit.
- I'm sorry.
- Why the big secret?
Well, to protect
people's reputations.
I mean, frankly, you never know what
the public is gonna believe, you see?
There's that, and um--
- And what?
- Look, Dick, I wa--
- Can I call you Dick?
- Sure, Dan.
After the loss, Herb came
to visit me in an agitated--
Well, I, I suppose the clinical
term would be, uh, what?
- The guy's nuts.
- Manic. He was in a manic...
- frame of mind.
And I took the precaution
of tape recording that meeting.
Al, would you play the tape?
Listen to this.
You get me that panel show or I'm gonna
bring you down, you lousy, lyin'prick!
Charles Van fuckin'Doren!
What is this, Herb?
Are you blackmailing me?
I need that money, Dan. I need
to get back on television.
You get me that panel show or
I'll tell everyone it's a fraud.
- You know that's not true.
- Who cares if it's true?
- ''The fix is in this week
on Twenty-One.''
Herb, I can't believe--
So he needed mo-more money
after all that money he won?
And that's the least of it.
I mean, if the judge was protecting
anyone, he was protecting Herb.
Given, uh-- Well--
- His medical condition.
- His medical condition?
- Oh, yeah.
- Al, get the bills.
I mean, put yourself in his shoes.
He's no longer in the public eye.
He's remembered, if he's
remembered at all, as ''the
guy that lost to Van Doren.''
Television is like a monkey
on his back...
and we're not talking about someone
who is necessarily stable to begin with.
- So you paid for his psychoanalysis?
- I felt responsible.
- Yeah, you're too nice.
- No, I'm not.
If it were up to me, I would've sent him
to the skating rink the fast way.
- Five sessions a week?
- Five, and not a dent.
Herb is so angry with himself
for losing, and it was on
such a simple question too.
- Marty. His ego couldn't handle it.
He blames Charles Van Doren
for his downfall.
And of course, the real downfall
of Herbert Stempel has always been...
- Herbert Stempel.
- Herbert Stempel. Absolutely.
Well, you met him.
Does he seem stable to you?
Well, I definitely have an inkling
of what you're talking about.
He told me this whole story
about how when a Jew is on the show...
he always loses to a Gentile, and then
the Gentile wins more money. Right?
I mean, who could dream up
a scheme like that?
A symptom of his
Van Doren fixation.
The thing of it is,
I looked it up. It's true.
We could check it.
- Herbie, I wanna go home.
- I took you to dinner, didn't I?
Just hold your horses.
This is ridiculous!
Where have you been? Why don't
you return my phone calls?
Did you talk to Van Doren, hmm?
- I'll tell you who I spoke to.
I spoke to Dan Enright.
- Well, forget Enright.
Ah, Goodwin,
You threatened to blackmail him
if he didn't get you on a panel show.
What? When?
I didn't blackmail him.
- He's got the whole thing on tape.
- What are you talking about?
H-He promised me
that panel show.
What tape?
What are you talking about?
Listen, Goodwin, don't think
I don't see what you're doin'.
You're building this great case
against me, a pile of evidence...
an army of witnesses against me,
Herb Stempel.
And meanwhile, you and Van Doren
are off giving each other
the secret Ivy League handshake.
- Herb, you're making me
look like a jerk.
- I know what they're doing
to you. They did it to me.
Just because you went to
Harvard, you think you have
some stake in the system, huh?
- He didn't pay for
your psychiatrist bills?
- The point is Van Doren
got the answers.
He did not get the answers.
If anything, he gave them the answers.
- I know he got the answers!
- Ah, bullshit, Herb.
How do you know he got the answers?
Because I got the answers!
- You got the answers? What do
you mean, you got the answers?
- Well, not very many answers.
I just wanted to get out
from under the financial thumb,
as it were, of my in-laws.
I don't understand, Herb.
I thought you were a victim in all this.
I didn't hold myself up to be
the crown prince of education.
I didn't preen myself on
the cover of Time magazine with
a face full of phoney humility--
Good night, Herb.
- Hey, Toby, where do you think
you're going without me?
- You never told me you got the answers.
I knew the answers to a good
part of the questions anyhow.
The ones I didn't, they fed me.
- I-I'm sure I must've mentioned it.
- It's not a thing you mentioned.
- What else did you do
that you didn't mention?
- Hey, Enright sat right
in our kitchen...
and said, ''How'd you like
I don't know any man in America
who would turn that down.
- It's dishonest.
- Let me tell you about honest.
You know what my father used to tell
me? ''Work hard and you'll get ahead.''
Was that honest?
Look at Geritol.
''Geritol cures tired blood.'' And I'm
the one who's supposed to be ashamed.
You never said that you
were getting the answers.
Let them believe whatever they
want. What do I care? What do
I care if a bunch of saps--
I was one of those saps,
He got the answers.
Now, why would he admit that?
I mean, he's only implicating himself.
- Well, maybe it's the truth.
- Yeah, well, I have a hunch
it is the truth.
Well, meanwhile, we'll have to have him
testify in a straitjacket.
Van Doren isn't crazy. Maybe
you should put him on the stand.
- What's Van Doren got to do with this?
- They gave Stempel the answers.
Why would Van Doren
be any different?
Sandra, you have no idea
what these people are like.
- It's all Thurber and Trilling
and, and Bunny Wilson.
Yeah, Edmund Wilson.
That's what they call him.
- Well, that doesn't mean you have to.
- Look, my point is...
why would a guy like that
jeopardize everything he has?
- Which is what?
- Sandra, the man is on
the cover of Time magazine!
Well, he's not going to be on the cover
of Time as Mark Van Doren's son, Dick.
How many points
would you like to risk?
Well, I'll risk
eight points, Jack.
All right. For eight points,
name the three heavyweight champions...
immediately preceding
Joe Louis.
Well, my father
would know that.
- That'd beJames J. Braddock.
- Correct.
Max Baer lost the belt
to Braddock.
Yes, and the fellow
Baer beat?
Oh, now, I remember
he knocked him down
before he finally succumbed.
- Would you like to guess
at it, Charlie?
- Yeah-- Primo Carnera!
- Second base is Eddie Stanky.
- No, it's Red Schoendienst.
- Forget it!
- I hear that Pat Boone
plays in his white shoes.
- No, that's Daniel Boone.
- Ace-king bets.
- Bet five.
- I'll raise that a dollar.
- I'm out.
- You better watch out, Fred.
Dick's one of the brightest
young lawyers down in Washington.
Great! All my money
already goes to Washington.
- You and me both, pal.
- It's nothing but organized theft.
- No, property.
- ''Property is theft,'' I believe.
- That's the locus classicus
from Proudhon.
- I warned you.
- Oh, great, another one.
Ace bets five.
- I'm out.
- I'll see that.
- What are you working on, Charlie?
- I raise five dollars.
- I'd love to know what you've
got under there, Charlie.
- The truth has its price.
Well, everything
has its price.
- So, where'd you prep, Dick?
- Dick's up here on a witch hunt.
He thinks Twenty-One is rigged.
- Oh, God.
Hey, uh, which face cards
are in profile, without looking?
Jack of spades, king of
diamonds, jack of hearts.
Can we play cards? It's bad enough
my wife makes me watch this crap.
Okay, you're writing a book
on Lincoln. The night he was shot...
who was the doctor
at his deathbed?
-Joseph k. Barnes was the doctor.
Who was the detective
on the case?
The detective was Clarvoe.
John Alexander Clarvoe.
- Who embalmed him?
- Come on.
- Black or brown?
- Charles D. Brown.
- Then he was murdered
with estate taxes. Come on.
- Let's play, let's play, let's play.
- I'm impressed. You're not impressed?
Ace checks.
- Now I'm impressed.
- Go ahead, Dick, call 'em.
What do you say, Dick?
- I know you're lying.
The word is bluffing.
Too rich for my blood.
- Try Geritol.
- Sandwich time.
- You bet.
How 'bout a drink? This game
could use a little juice, huh?
- Let's eat.
- Can you give me that ham...
- All right...
- in there.
- we're talking Stanky--
Charlie? Charlie? The only
people who can implicate you
directly are all in this room.
-Just think about that, okay?
- What, you think that nudzh
is gonna get me to talk?
Well, he may be a nudzh,
but he was also first in
his class at Harvard Law School.
- Oh, Harvard!
- Oh, will you please stop that?
- Al, stop it.
- Sorry. Charlie, they could
kill me, I wouldn't talk.
- They could subject me to
any kind of torture, um, uh--
- The rack?
- Thank you. They could put me
on the rack--
- The iron maiden?
- Whatever.
- The bastinado?
- Charlie, I'm not tellin' 'em
a goddam thing.
- Correct me, Dan, if I'm wrong.
- No, you're right.
Plus, what did you do wrong?
Everybody knows the magician
d}