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My Chinese wife rarely says “wo ai ni” (“I love you”).
One day at dinner I remarked offhand that I had worn holes in a pair of socks. I God knew I had plenty more at home.
She showed up the next day with a new pair. Like I said, she rarely says “wo ai ni“.
Perhaps she doesn’t have to.
I once took a semester of Chinese classes. Paid the 8500 RMB tuition fee, this before I realized you could just find a classroom full of laowai, sit down and no one would care. I miss Wuhan.
But I took the class, and in the first lesson learned that ni hao = hello, complete with a conversation between two friends to demonstrate. In this same class, my teacher went on a mini-rant about how Chinese people really don’t say “ni hao” to each other. Maybe for strangers, but not to people they know. Certainly not friends or family. As for us foreigners, we get ni haos because, well, we’re foreigners. There’s no bigger mark of a stranger than being an outside-the-country person.
I’ve gotten plenty of ni haos in my time, along with “hello”, “how are you”, “where are you come from”, and from one freethinking guy, “I love you“. I guess he wanted to be different. Or maybe here it’s like ni hao: you can say it to strangers, not friends or family.
My wife has never said it to her parents. They’ve never said it to her. Growing up, I heard “I love you” plenty. My wife? When we were in her hometown, leaving her parents’ store one night, she remarked simply that we were going back. They responded with short hums. Then they turned to me, and offered a loud “wan an” each.
So I guess these things really are reserved for strangers.
Of course, they only said it because I said it to them first, and the only reason I said it to them was because I was used to saying it.
My wife isn’t used to saying it. Which raises the question: if she’s never heard her parents say “I love you”, then how does she know it?
From their actions.
Does it seem that simple? Let’s take a closer look: she knows they love her from the way they raised her, took care of her, give advice on what she should wear when it’s too hot or too cold, advice on what she should be doing, and miscellaneous advice on other matters. Their actions show that they love her. Perhaps you could say .
How about a husband?
When I was in China, she helped me out a lot. She did this not out of a sense of pity, or just to be polite, but rather, because I was her boyfriend. Her future husband.
She brought me medicine and food , took care of me after a brutal rice wine hangover (if there’s another kind, I’ve like to know), and many, so many things to show her love that I’ve lost track. It’d be pointless anyways. I know she loves me. She’s shown it so much it’s a given.
When we were dating, she told me she thought I didn’t love her enough. At the time I wasn’t sure where she was coming from. Only later did I understand. Since that time I pay more attention to what I do.
It does not require jumping through hoops, or submission. This isn’t some sort of contest, nor is it about so-called Chinese love being somehow truer (i.e. better) than so-called Western love. It is not a dichotomy, no matter how good it may feel to believe that.
It’s simply about two people who love each other, in such a way that it needs not be spoken.
You know it through your actions.
My wife rarely says “wo ai ni”. She doesn’t have to. Her actions say it.
I just hope my actions say the same thing.
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Most Shared PostsOn average every one of us dreams seven times per night. We might not even realise it, but that doesn’t make it any less true. All too often people don’t realise this and claim to never dream, not realising how statistically unlikely that actually is. Since you’re reading this, I think it’s safe to say however that you’re not one of those people. I’m going to take a shot and say that you remember your dreams quite a lot, perhaps most nights, and I’m going to take another shot and say that a lot of them feature a certain, very special, someone.But what does it mean when your crush keeps popping up in your dreams? Why is it that he just can’t contain himself to real life, why is he flaunting himself in your dreams too? Here’s your answer…The Why‘The why’ in ‘why is your crush dream stalking you?’ is simple – you’re thinking about him in your waking hours and unable to forget about him when you switch off for the night. When we sleep our subconscious gets free reign and in that time it paints us pictures using the people, objects, places and scenarios we’ve been thinking of when we were awake.There’s not much else to the why, like I said, it’s simple. You’re focussing on him while you’re awake and your subconscious is simply playing on that fact and creating a dream from it.What It MeansDepending on your beliefs and whether or not you’re superstitious, dreams can either mean nothing or they can mean everything. They can hide clues to the future or your deepest desires or they can simply be nothing more than your mind playing a trick on you. If you don’t believe dreams hold clues to our futures or insights into our souls then I suggest you skip over this section, it may not be for you.Here’s a few common dreams that may include your crush and what they are commonly interpreted to mean…To dream you are kissing your crush symbolizes love, affectation and harmony. Your mind is expressing your waking desire to be close to this person and form some sort of attachment, in this case a relationship.
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Don’t panic if you and your crush were arguing in a dream. This doesn’t mean you aren’t compatible as a couple. Arguing in a dream can symbolize tension and that you are trying to resolve an internal conflict. In this case, it’s likely your mind trying to tell you how frustrated it is that your crush is nothing more than a crush. It could show that your mind is ready for the two of you to become more than friends.If you receive a love note or letter in your dream means that there could be a new relationship ahead of you. It also however symbolizes that you are insecure about something and need reassurance about your feelings or relationship. My advice in this situation is to be hopeful but beware, don’t let your insecurities get the better of you.What To Do About ItOn a whole, dreaming of your crush shows that you have an unresolved issue with him in real life, namely that he’s only your crush and not your boyfriend. You need to take action in the real world by attempting to get closer to him to see if a relationship is on the cards or not. Either way, your dreams about him are likely to grow fewer, if not stop altogether, as you start to live out your fantasy of speaking to him in everyday life. Chances are, you’ll be happier for it too. Instead of waking up feeling slightly hollow every morning seeing as your dream was only a dream, you’ll end each day feeling fulfilled that you spoke to him.Try reading my article
for tips on how to interact with your crush in real life. As much as we’d all like to, we can’t go on dreaming forever. It’s time to stop dreaming and start living so go out there and make your crush fall head over heels for you!
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