10 Ways to Love the People in Your Life
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“At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” ~Jack Kornfield
We all grow up with some healthy stories about love and some unhealthy ones. I learned some beautiful, life-giving ideas about love, ideas like these:
Loving people means believing in their potential.
Love means treating people with kindness and gentleness.
Loving the people in your life means celebrating their successes and cheering them on.
But I also grew up with some stories about love that I came to see weren’t so helpful. Those ideas about love bred problems in my relationships.
One of those stories was: Loving someone means always being available to them. (Turns out, it’s not true, and living as if it is breeds resentment.)
Another was: Loving someone means always having space for what they want to talk to you about. (Turns out, not true either!)
Another myth about love: If you love someone, you do what they are asking you to do, out of love, even if it feels difficult. (I can tell you, that doesn’t work so well.)
I’ve developed my own guidelines for loving the people in my life, guidelines that express how I want to relate to the people around me.
These are some of my guidelines for loving:
1. Tell them about their brilliance.
They likely can’t see it and they don’t know its immensity, but you can see it, and you can illuminate it for them.
2. Be authentic, and give others the gift of the real you and a real relationship.
Ask your real questions. Share your real beliefs. Go for your real dreams. Tell your truth.
3. Don’t confuse “authenticity” with sharing every complaint, resentment, or petty reaction in the name of “being yourself.”
, write, or
to , resentment, and stress on your own so you don’t hand off those
to everyone around you. Sure, share sadness, honest dilemmas, and fears, don’t pollute.
4. Listen, listen, listen.
Don’t listen to determine if you agree or disagree. Listen to get to know what is true for the person in front of you. Get to know an inner landscape that is different from your own, and enjoy the journey. Remember that if, in any conversation, nothing piqued your curiosity and nothing surprised you, you weren’t .
5. Don’t waste your time or energy thinking about how they need to be different.
Really. Chuck that whole thing. Their habits are their habits. Their personalities are their personalities. Let them be, and work on what you want to change about you—not what you think would be good to change about them.
6. Remember that you don’t have to understand their choices to respect or accept them.
7. Don’t conflate accepting with being a doormat or betraying yourself.
Let them be who they are, entirely. Then, you decide what you need, in light of who they are. Do you need to make a direct request that they change their behavior in some way? Do you need to take care of yourself better? Do you need to set a boundary or to change the relationship? Take care of yourself well, without holding anyone else in contempt.
8. Give of yourself, but never sacrifice or compromise yourself.
Stop if resentment is building and retool. Don’t do the martyr thing. It helps no one and nothing.
9. See their value.
Remember that everyone you encounter was created by divine intelligence and has an important role to play in the universe. Treat them as such.
10. Accept this as your mantra and try to live as if it were true: Everything that I experience from another human being is either love or a call for love.
With this mantra as your guide, you’ll keep growing emotionally and spiritually for the rest of your life.
What are your guidelines for loving the people in your life?
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About Tara Sophia Mohr is a writer, coach, and personal growth teacher. She’s the creator of the global , the author of
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%d bloggers like this:泰勒公式及其在解题中的应用_中华文本库
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科技信息○外语论坛○SCIENCE&TECHNOLOGYINFORMATION2010年第31期
绍自己的场景。
a.Hi！MynameisLilan.What’syourname?b.MynameisXiangyong.a.Whereareyoufrom?
b.I’mfromGuangxiProvince.Whataboutyou?
a.I’malocal.I’vebeenlivingheresinceIwasborn.b.Howmanypeoplearethereinyourfamily?
a.Five.Mygrandparents,myparentsandI.Whataboutyou?b.…
这样的对话在大一新生第一周英语课堂上屡见不鲜。中国人见面
●喜欢谈论家乡家人甚至年龄收入，感觉能够拉近双方关系，显得很亲
切。而同样的对话发生在英语母语者之间是不可思议的，像中文所谓的“户口调查”，严重触犯了对方的隐私权。因此我们学习外语不仅仅是掌握语言，还需要了解特定语言的使用范围。
例8.礼貌语使用不当———不恰当的道别
在课堂模拟谈话结束时，学生通常会假装看看手表，然后说“I’msorrythatIhavesomethingelsetodo,Imustleavenow.Bye-bye!”或者“Sorrytogiveyousomuchtrouble,Ihavetoleavenow.”几乎80%的学生都是同样的动作，类似的话语。这源自于典型汉语的道别方式即表示歉意找理由离开以及表示给对方添麻烦了一定要走。显然学生把汉语的道别方式迁移到英语中。笔者作为aChineseteacherofEnglish，知道他们语出何处，对此敏感度稍低一些。但是如果和老外对话，依然如此结束话题似乎不妥。让对方感觉你不喜欢和他交流，谈话很无趣。或者谈话很痛苦，急于结束（也许确实如此）。其实英语中的告别语除常见的“Ihavetoleave”，“Goodbye”，“Bye-bye”外，还常用一些表示自己愉快心情的告别语。例如：
a.Oh,it’sgettinglate.Igottorun.Nicetalkingtoyou,Nancy.b.Thanks,Peter.Nicemeetingyou,too.
Itisawonderfulparty.Ireallyenjoyit.ButIhavetogonowItisnicetomeetyou.Ihopewewillmeetagainsoon.
上述两种语用失误，其主要原因在于文化的介入而造成交际语言的不得体。这种交流的背后是一种文化的接触和碰撞。由于语言使用者受到母语规范习俗和价值观念的制约和影响，生硬套用母语的一些表达方法，便容易导致交际的失败，即语用失误。所以从某种意义上讲文化差异是外语学习的干扰源，是产生语用失误的根源。美国语言学家EdwardSapir指出：“语言不能脱离文化而存在，不能脱离社会继续下来的各种做法与信念，这些做法与信念的总和决定了我们生活的性质。”这就要求外语学习者不仅具备良好的语言能力，而且也需要了解中西方文化之间的差异，增强其对目的语文化的领悟力和敏感性，提高语用能力，避免因文化差异而带来的语用失误。科
【参考文献】
［1］Thomas,J.“Cross-culturalPragmaticFailure.”AppliedLinguistics,1983(2).［2］何自然.语用学概论[M].长沙：湖南教育出版社，1987.
［3］何自然.语用学与语用学习[M].上海：上海外语教育出版社，1997.［4］张巨文.语用失误与外语教学[J].郑州大学学报，2000（2）.
［5］陈玉华.跨文化交际语用失误研究及其对大学英语教学的启示.职业时空,
2008（10）.
［责任编辑：曹明明］
（上接第241页）
【参考文献】
［1］杨丽君,沙丽丽.铜和浓硫酸反应实验的探究[J].玉溪师范学院学报,2006,(12).［2］赵淑梅.铜和浓硫酸反应黑色沉淀的探究[J].长春师范学院学报,2006(10).［3］云玉美,范进,格毕.铜和浓硫酸反应产物的分析[J].内蒙古教育学院学报,1993
我们采用0.1mol/L的碳酸钠溶液湿润品红试纸（自制）时，由于碱性不强，品红仍为红色，但在适当调高pH值的情况下，促使品红试纸尽可能多、尽可能快的吸收SO2而褪色，达到了操作方法简单、迅速、现象明显，空气中SO2浓度低的要求。科
作者简介：陈彬（1963—），男，河南息县人，信阳师范学院化学系毕业，现任郑州铁路职业技术学院副教授。
燕红（1964—），女，河南开封人，信阳师范学院化学系毕业，现任郑州铁路职业技术学院讲师。
［责任编辑：张慧］
（上接第243页）e=1+1+1+1+…+1+
e3故Rn(1)=≤（）（）eθ
R9(1)＜3=＜10-6
由拉格朗日型余项rn(x)=f(ξ)(x-x0)n(ξ在x与x0之间)可知：当f(x)
当n=9时便有：
从而省去R9(1)，而求得e的近似值为e≈1+1+1+1+…+
在x0点附近n阶导数有界时，只能得出rn(x)=o((x-x0)n)。
而佩亚诺型余项只要求f(x)在x0点n阶导数存在，就可得出rn(x)=o((x-x0)n)，故在x→x0时，从阶的估计为出发点，显然佩亚诺型更有优越性，但在不明确x是否趋于x0而要估计余项时，佩亚诺型余项就不如拉格朗日型与柯西型余项优越了。科
1≈2.718285【参考文献】
2不同类开型的余项在解题中的优越性比较
在前面的例题中，我们分别用泰勒公式佩亚诺开型，拉格朗日型，柯西型余项进行问题解决。
而需要进一步指出的是Taylor公式的佩亚诺型余项使用起来非常方便，但它只是一个局部性质的公式，它给出了当x→x0时，余项属于o((x-x0)n),而拉格朗日型余项和柯西型余项给出了余项的具体表达式。因此在对于估计函数与泰勒多项式之间的误差时很有用，而且不要求x与x0充分接近，因而不是局部性质的公式，这三种余项类型各有利弊，需要按不同情况选用不同的形式。
［1］华东师范大学数学系，编.数学分析．第三版[M].北京:高等教育出版社,8.
［2］裴礼文.数学分析中的典型问题与方法[M].北京:高等教育出版社,1993：
［3］李成章，黄玉民，编.数学分析．第一版[M].科学出版社,0.［4尹小玲，等.数学分析简明教程[M].北京:高等教育出版社，7.［5］徐香勒，张勇．关于泰勒公式的几点应用[J].河南教育学院学报,):16-17．
［责任编辑：常鹏飞］
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