Ten Things about Military Wives you Probably Don’t Want to Know – E V I E + S A R A HEvery conversation between a parent and a child, in four conversations.
Perhaps You Didn’t Hear Me, Dad. I Really Want It.
Perhaps You Didn’t Hear Me, Dad. I Really Want It.
Illustrations by Natalie Matthews-Ramo
Child: Can I have this?
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Child: Ah, perhaps I&ve miscommunicated. I&m asking for it because I want it.
Me: I understood that, actually.
Child: I think maybe you&re not hearing me. I&d like it because I want it.
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Me: I&ve heard you quite well, I&m saying that&s not actually an argument.
Child: PERHAPS IF I SAID IT LOUDER.
Me: There&s no problem with my hearing. The problem is that your argument is, as the Romans would say, circulus in probando.
Child: Well then, let me offer this new information: I want it.
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Me: That&s the same information. That&s what you just said, and it&s also the information I assumed when we started.
Child: Well, can I watch YouTube?
Me: You also can&t watch YouTube.
Child: If I can&t watch YouTube, then can I have it?
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Me: No! Sorry. No. Why would you think you can have it now?
Child: What if I ask more politely?
Me: I support your decision to behave more politely, and it might increase your chances of getting the next thing you want, but it won&t affect your access to this thing now.
Child: Can I have part of it?
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Me: No. No, the having of it is what I&m saying no to. Having part of it is the same as having it.
Child: So can I have all of it?
Me: No! I&m answering the same question. The answer is no.
Child: Why not?
Me: BECAUSE I&Look. No.
Child: But, OK, look, here is some new information.
Me: Yes. What is it?
Child: I need it.
Me: Put your shoes on.
Child: Let the games ...
Me: Nonononono ...
Child: BEGIN!
Me: Just put your shoes on.
Child: In the vacuum of space, are there free-floating molecules?
Me: Put your shoes on.
Child: Did you know that we don&t actually vote for president, we vote for people who vote for president?
Me: I don&t care, put your shoes on.
Child: I am.
Me: You&re not. Put your shoes on.
Child: Why do we have shoes anyway?
Me: Just put your shoes on.
Child: That reminds me, where are my shoes?
Me: What? They&re right there! Right next to your feet!
Child: Oh, these shoes?
Me: YOU ONLY HAVE ... I&m sorry. Yes. Those shoes. Your only shoes.
Child: Why don&t I have more shoes?
Me: No more questions, just put your shoes on.
Child: I can&t. I&m not wearing socks.
Me: Did you take your socks OFF?
Child: Well, I&m not wearing them any more, so it&s a fair bet.
Me: Put on your socks and then put on your shoes.
Child: I am!
Me: You&re not! You&re just sitting there!
Child: This is me putting on my shoes! This is part of it! All of this, this is the putting on of the shoes. It says in the I Ching ...
Me: NO. NO MORE I FRIGGIN& CHING. PUT YOUR ... I&m sorry. I&m sorry. Just ... put your shoes on.
Child: I found my socks. They were right here next to my shoes.
Me: If you put your shoes on by the time I count to five, I&ll let you choose what we do next. One ...
Child: (with socks and shoes already on) YouTube.
Me: OK, come eat dinner.
Child: This is dinner?
Child: I see. I see. So you&re saying this is dinner.
Me: It&s getting cold.
Child: But this is whole pieces of food that you&ve just & cooked.
Me: Yes. We&re eating something healthy for dinner.
Child: How can we be sure this is healthy?
Me: It&s healthy. And it&s dinner. Eat it.
Child: I had cold pizza and Skittles for breakfast, and then I got a 100 on my spelling test.
Me: You&ve stumbled into post hoc ergo propter hoc there, buddy, and that hasn&t worked since the second century.
Child: PERHAPS IF I EXPLAINED THAT I DON&T WANT IT.
Me: You can yell all you want, this is dinner.
Child: I think it&s cold.
Me: It&s not cold.
Child: Look at it. It&s cold. It&s gone cold.
Me: Eat it, it&s not cold.
Child: I&ll eat it if you eat it.
Me: No! That&s not the way it works!
Child: Why not?
Me: BECAUSE I&M THE GROWN-UP AND I SAID SO NOW QUIT ASKING ME AND GO DO SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES TALK TO ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD OR I WILL LITERALLY BLOW UP FROM SITTING ON MY ANGER AND IMAGINING HOW MUCH TROUBLE I WOULD BE IN IF I PULLED THIS SHIT WITH MY PARENTS IN 1978!!!!
Child: Why are you yelling?
Me: I&m sorry, I&m sorry, I didn&t mean to yell, I&m really sorry. I&ll order pizza.
Child: Where is Mom?
Me: Why do you need her?
Child: Sometimes one just needs one&s mother.
Me: I&m standing right here, perhaps I can help you.
Child: This falls under Mom&s purview, so &
Me: She&s busy right now, and I&m taking care of you.
Child: Busy where?
Me: Upstairs. But don&t go there.
(Child leaves room)
(Long pause, muffled discussion from upstairs)
(Child returns)
Child: I spoke with mom.
Me: So I gather.
Child: Mom says to ask you. Where is the thing from before?
Me: The thing I wouldn&t give you before?
Child: Yes.
Me: Why do you want to know?
Child: I&m a curious person. I thirst for knowledge.
Me: But you can&t have it.
Child: Boy, you are really jumping to conclusions here! I know I can&t have it! OF COURSE! I&m just curious.
Me: If I tell you where it is, will I find out that at some future time, you have the thing?
Child: Does anyone truly know what the future holds?
Me: So, there is a future where you&ve gone and gotten the thing.
Child: Hold that thought.
(Child leaves room)
(Long pause, muffled discussion from upstairs)
(Child returns)
Child: Mom says she&s busy and that you should just tell me where the thing is, because I promised not to get it.
Me: You promised.
Child: As Mom is my witness.
Me: You know you aren&t getting it, right?
Child: I just like to know where things are, in our house.
Me: The thing is on top of the refrigerator.
Child: Why did you put it there?
Me: Because I don&t trust you.
Child: But & how is that possible? I trust YOU.
Me: Thanks.
Child: I trust you so much that I know when I go and get a stool and bring it over by the refrigerator, and climb up it, the thing will be there.
Me: You promised you wouldn&t do that.
(Child leaves room)
Me: DO NOT GO TO THE KITCHEN. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR THAT STEP STOOL&
(Child comes back into room)
Child: Why were you yelling at me?
Me: I&m sorry. I shouldn&t have yelled.
Child: Can I play on the computer?
(Child opens computer and begins watching videos on YouTube)
(Mom walks down stairs)
Mom: I specifically told you not to get on the computer.
Child: Dad said I could.
Sean Williams is a writer and theater producer for . He lives in Astoria, New York.humor | honesty | nursey shenanigans
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+33 following
I want to kill myself
Posted over a year ago
I want to kill myself so badly. I tried earlier this year but I was prevented and given Prozac to treat my depression. For as long as I can remember, I've been suffering with ADHD, depression, anxiety, and various other mental illnesses. I have an abusive mother, and a father who lives across the country. I'm trapped. I've tried psychiatric help, medical help, every kind of help there is. Sometimes I feel better, but I always come back to wanting to die. Today I got mad at my two best friends- They went somewhere without me after saying they would let me come. They both know I have anxiety and I always get upset whenever they do things like that- but they continue to make me a third wheel. And to make matters worse, they humiliated everyone with them by showing them my texts and how upset I was. I yelled at them and they yelled back, and now I'm here with both their numbers blocked, my phone off, and looking for the easiest ways to commit suicide. I can't take this life anymore. My friends were the only happiness I had left and now they're gone. All I ever do is cause trouble for the people around me and I can't take it. I've said it before without real but now I'm SURE that everyone would be better off without me. After all, how can my own mother and friends be wrong when they tell me I'm an annoying, controlling, lazy, bitch? I've tried to stop- I really have. I've tried so hard, but now I'm giving up the fight. I can't take this. I need to die.
43 Replies
Most Votes
o over a year ago
Honey you are upset, understandably, please do not do anything silly like killing yourself, you are too special and smart and wonderful to do that, may I ask how old you are?can you get to a phone and call the Samaritans? I know it sounds corny but they really can help and you can talk this out, if you are a child and you feel threatened by your parents, call social services, can grandparents, call anyone you trust, please please do not think you are alone, your not! You ou far from worthless, you just feel that way, I was you once, I'm now nearly 40, alive and fighting to keep my happiness, you can do it too, please talk to me, I'm really worried
o over a year ago
Please don't do anything. Please don't. You are not worthless. Don't let the hurtful words and actions of others affect your life.It's easy for me to say but however dreadful things feel right now, there could be all kinds of amazing things ahead of you in the future. Don't let all that go to waste.I am sending you a virtual hug.pen1976 is right. It's a good idea to call the Samaritans.i will be thinking about you.
o over a year ago
I am fifteen and I am a horrible person.I am bossy and rude and selfish and lazy and a waste of space. I'm so mean to the people that used to love me and I drive everyone away. I'm loud and annoying and I procrastinate everything and I waste my big IQ by procrastinating and lacking the will to do any work in school. I need help but I just can't get it. Nothing works and for the first time in my life I'm so content with the idea of killing myself. It's like I don't even have any emotion anymore. I don't care what other people think. I don't care what will happen. It's like I'm already dead inside so why not just end it for all of me?
o over a year ago
See we all care, you are far from worthless, in fact you are a wonderful person, you are just looking at what you think you do wrong, I bet you are incredible and interesting to be around promise se me you will call the Samaritans honey? Please?
o over a year ago
We are all thinking about you. You are needed in this world and there is so much future ahead of you. So many wonderful possibilities. It's gonna be okay. X
o over a year ago
Everything everyone has said here is right. Life feels awful for you now but please, please don't give up. We all care x 
o over a year ago
I don't think this is a issue that can be managed over the internet PLEASE phone the samaritans.
o over a year ago
Dear dear friend !I cant and wont call you worthless although I know that feeling very well myself and in no way would I judge you by that . You sound like you are in a very dark , desperate and lonely place . My heart bleeds for you . I can tell you have lost hope but let me hold onto hope for you .  I think you need to know that someone cares . It sounds like you have never been cared for . There are people on this site who care deeply . We  will be here for you . You need and very much deserve professional help too . Please go back to your doctor and tell him / her exactly how you feel . Maybe writing out what you have written here and giving it to them would be an idea . Please contact the Samaritans they can be really helpful or ,difficult though it may be , go up to casualty with what you have posted . Dont suffer alone With the help and support of others things will get easier x 
o over a year ago
sometimes it makes sense to know your own weaknesses.  your personality is shaping, and its painful, if you make it out the other side you will be a stronger more logical person.
o over a year ago
Hello,I know you probably repectes  the opinions of the poeple around you.  And the negative things they say about you are really just distraction from there own lives that they are not happy with.  So remember the people that insult you may be more mentally sick then you. If the people that bring you down were healthy people they would understand how sensitive you are and leave you alone.  But from my experience  in life people just say stupid stuff that pops in there heads.  I try to stop and think before I say too much .  Sometimes I fail and say mean things even to people I would die for. So forgive the ones you love for they are just as lost as  I am and just as lost as most of the world.  I think humans forgot how to love each other.  And money stresses us out until we all are slightly insane.james 
o over a year ago
I am still here, and I have an update. Said friends have officially left me. For good. With a hearty &F*** you& and scornful laughter, I've been left in the dust. And the worst part is I just bought and gave them both apology gifts, hours before they left. I have been planning to end my life, and it looks like I'm where I need to be. The final shove. I have no freinds, no supportive family, and fresh slits across my wrists. I'm not here for convincing- I'm here to say goodbye. The only thing that stopped me from taking my own life when I made this post was the fact that I was still clinging to some hope that my friends would come back. But this is it. There is no hope. The only people in my life who supported me have become part of the mocking, judging, scorning crowd. And that's it. That's all I need. I'm sorry.
o over a year ago
Hello,I would love to show you a different world.  A world that is all around you but people in your life seem to hide of from you .   Love and kind people are everywhere.   I meet them everyday ,  my work forces me to meet and talk to strangers all the time.   I wish I had more time in life to develop more lasting and great friends.   You seem to be a very passionate and serious person.  Your someone that can use these powerful emotions to bring some change to this world.  Your insight and wisdom could help so many people.  New people that have similar pain can really benefit from your knowledge.  Help change the world one person at a time.  My goal is the fight back against this world bring back joy and positive energy.  Need so much help to realise my dream to make the world a place I like to live in.  We are so close hope light will force away the dark. Much loveJames 
o over a year ago
Just a quick question, you've slit your wrists but can still type? Without sounding doubious? Xx
o over a year ago
Hi, nobody is worthless. I am going through hell at the moment doc put my venlafaxine up to 150mg and 80mg of propanapol due to 75mg of V not working.have you ever suffered not recognising people and yourelf in the mirror, or the world isnt quiet real or am I alone 
o over a year ago
hi worthless im sorry you think that is what you are but i dont think you are noone is but life is worthlessits just life is very complicated and cruel somtimes and people can be too and it can make you feel worthless and not want to live in such a cruel world and somtimes make you feel very alone but trust me when i say you are not when you pretty much live online as i do you realise theres a world of people out there going though life with similar and worse problems than us im not saying this will make it easyer for you there are people you can talk to type to who understand and theres a world full of friends out there just waiting to meet youthere are also lots of people who will be mean and haters and those who will try to annoiy you but online there is one awsome feature you cant do in real life (and im sure many people wish you could :P ) you can close block turn them off ban them boot them mute them and so onyou can be more yourself look for a site called no more panic _____i also go to second life quite alot cause you can meet some cool people on there too and somtimes tiny chat.i see this post is from 2 months ago so i really hope you havent hurt yourself please dont i been there and i know somtimes nothing anyone says makes you feel better but you are 15 you have whole life ahead of you with some awsome things yet to expirience there will be rough patches everyone has them but its like the weather and no matter how much it seems that way it cant rain all the timeyou will make new friends fall in love get drunk dance sing do and say funny and silly things laugh till you you think your sides will bust watch movies that will make you laugh and cry there will be times you will find wonder and amazment in the simplest things and marvel at the complicatedmaybe you will have children or get a kitten or a puppy and expirience the love they bring even when they crap in your shoes or chew your furniture and thats just the kids :Pand if what your taking now isnt working for you plz tell somone there is so much out there you can try alot of it you can read about on no more panic theres a chat room and a forum tooi wish you love and happyness in the future please dont go you are not worthless somone some where needs you love and hugs from Dog ^^Patient Moderator Note: I have removed an URL (a link) from this reply as it was unsuitable for inclusion within these forums. If any user is interested in this removed information they should contact the author via the Private Messaging system requesting such. Thank you for your cooperation.
o over a year ago
i know how you feel
o over a year ago
Gosh worthless what can we do ,i wish you where here in person we woukd comfort each other as we are feeling same so we understand
o over a year ago
This reply has been deleted by a moderator.
o over a year ago
Are you still there? I totally understand you. I'm bipolar but undiagnosed as my doc  is not trained to recognise the symptoms.  He says I'm depressed! I want to kills myself and I have a husband and children.  But like you I am dealing with exclusion at work. And i can't cope with it.
o over a year ago
This reply has been deleted by a moderator.
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